House of Monkeys

2011-08-22T16:06:00.001-07:00

Crying

2011-05-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

I don't remember crying much in front of people. Not that I was trying to be strong or put up a front that everything was just fine. I guess I am just not someone who cries a lot. I remember the first time I realized adults cried; it was during fast and testimony meeting and I must of been about six years old. I looked up at the person speaking and thought to my self, hmmmm I thought only kids cried. I also remember seeing my dad cry for the first time. My parents had dropped me off at BYU and they were walking down the hall of my dorms. My dad turned around to say good bye and he had been crying. I am sure it was a combination of how proud he was of me and also sadness for leaving his baby girl alone in another state so far from home. (My kids on the other hand have seen me cry many, many times!)
One of my memories: I went to the hospital to hear the news, the doctors have finally figured out what was making Rob so sick. I had spent the last three days at the hospital with him. We had to keep the room completely dark, because the light increased his nausea. They had him so medicated that he slept most of the time. His mother flew in the night before, so I was able to go home for the first night since checking Rob into the hospital. Jennifer showed up at my house and said I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I barely remember driving there and soon found myself walking down the familiar hospital halls which lead to his room. I opened the door and quickly realized something was different; the lights were on and Rob was sitting up in his bed. Our eyes met and I'll never forget the look he gave me. It's a look you never want from your spouse; I'm so sorry. I could just tell by his look that it wasn't good news. I felt my knees start to buckle beneath me and suddenly I realized Adrienne was standing next to me holding me up. She had both her arms around me and whispered in my ear, you be strong! Something in me just clicked and took over. I walked over to Rob and just held him as he cried and cried.
Eleven weeks later I was in a funeral home with Adrienne and my dad. We were picking out a casket for Rob. I sat down on the bench and just started to cry and cry and cry. I remember thinking: How could this possibly be my life? How was I picking out a casket for Rob at the age of 32? How could I go forward? Both my dad and Adrienne just hugged me. I am sure they felt the same as me. How could they be doing this for there son? I know my dad wanted to take my pain and grief away from his little girl, but couldn't. How life seemed so cruel and unfair. That was one of my darkest hours, one of the times I could not control my emotions. At the time I thought, there will never be light in my life again. No happiness, no joy, only darkness. I turned to the Lord and the scriptures for comfort. I had faith that all would turn out fine, but I didn't know how or when. Think about the sun rising, how it slowly comes over the mountains. It doesn't just start bright one second, but if you are watching it rise, you don't notice it getting brighter and brighter till after a period of time. I didn't notice that the Lord was bringing light back into life, till I would look back at where I was a month before and I could see the progress I had made. I didn't notice it from day to day, but I could see the Lord hand in my life if I looked backed over longer periods of times. I never thought I could have as much happiness in my life as I do now. I didn't think it was possible to love again. I knew the Lord would bless me, but I never imagined He would bless me so abundantly with an amazing husband and a gorgeous baby girl. My faith turned to trust. And now as I go forward, I know as I keep the commandments and go forward the Lord is always there by my side. I know for some it seems so dark and they feel as if daylight will never come, but I promise it will! So now when I cry, I truly do understand it is just for a moment, until the sun rises again!

Sunday Will Come

2011-03-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

I know I have not posted in FOREVER, as many of my family members remind me of often. Life has been insanely busy. Steve and I are expecting a little girl in May! For any of you who have had the joy of being around me while pregnant totally understand how fun I am right now with two months left!

Last week I had two different people come up to me and wanted some advice. Both of them had good friends who were suddenly widows at a very young age with kids. I felt so helpless for these women. Every situation is different, every one is unique in their own way. For me, I turned to the Lord by reading my scriptures and talks from the apostles. I am fortunate enough to go around and speak to the youth about trusting and turning to the Lord during difficult times. This last weekend I spoke to two different group of youths. I share mine and Rob's journal entries during his sickness. I share what scriptures and talks helped me the most during the most difficult time in my life.

I have many favorite scriptures and conference talks! I am not sure if I had shared this story before, so if I have, I'm sorry.

We buried Rob on a Friday. Sunday morning Jake (9 at the time) came into my room and asked where's daddy? I was confused by his question. I said, Jake remember he was buried on Friday. He looked at me again and said, no where's daddy? It's been three days, where's daddy? I finally realized what Jake meant. I grabbed him and hugged him as he said to me Jesus was resurrected in three days, it's been three days, where's daddy? I was so impressed by the faith of my son, his understanding of the scriptures and his knowledge of our resurrected Savior. I just hugged him and cried. I told him, yes Jake your daddy will be resurrected, just not today. He will be made whole again, he will be able to walk again, he just won't be resurrected for awhile.

In October 2006 General Conference, Elder Joseph B Wirthlin gave a wonderful talk called Sunday Will Come. http://lds.org/ensign/2006/11/sunday-will-come?lang=eng Here is my favorite part from his talk:

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."

I want everyone to know everyone to know this is true. I know Sunday will come. I know that no matter our grief, no matter our pain, as we turn to the Lord that is where we can find peace and comfort.

Faith

2010-09-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

As I looked at my husband lying in the hospital bed with IVs hooked up to him, the thought ran through my mind, I can't do this...again. Steve had a minor procedure done and he was lying in a hospital bed, and I was on the verge of panicking. In my mind I knew everything was going to be fine, there was very little risk. But what if.....what if something went wrong. What if he didn't come out and he was gone. What if they found something that would lead to more treatments and more hospital visits. WHAT IF?? Almost as soon as I started to panic, and warm feeling came over me and I thought, if the "what if" happened, I know I would be fine. Not because I had been a widow before, but because I knew the Lord would be by my side. I was able to get through everything with Rob, with the Lord's help. I could never of done it on my own. I had seen the Lord answer my prayers and bless my family in so many different ways that I knew He would be there again when I need Him. I knew this with every cell of my body. The Lord is there for you and for me. Sunday our lesson in Relief Society was on faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We talked about how you build faith with the little things every day. Praying, reading the scriptures, and attending your church meetings. There are many little things we do everyday, with faith, believing in certain outcomes. For example; we have faith that if we run everyday that we are getting into better shape. We won't get into better shape by only running once a month. And when you first start running to get back onto shape, it takes awhile to see your efforts pay off. But it does happen after time. You do not get into shape just because you want to. It takes time and work. Same with faith. It takes time and work (studying the scriptures, prayer, keeping the commandments). I wouldn't have been able to have sufficient faith to go through my trials if I started praying the day we found out Rob had cancer. If I didn't already know that the Lord does answer prayers. I knew the comfort that came from having the habit of reading my scriptures. It does take a lot of work to have faith, but honestly having a great amount of faith makes the trials a lot easier. I have seen the Lord bless my life during the hardest time anyone could ever imagine. The spirit testified to me, as I looked at Steve in the hospital, everything would be fine with the Lord's help. I know this to be true. I have seen it in my life again and again.

Pure Joy

2010-08-04T13:09:00.000-07:00

There are few times in your life when you feel pure joy. Typically pure joy comes through some type of service. As it states in the scriptures, "when ye are in service of your fellow beings ye are in the service of your God." As we serve others, we are doing things for them that sometimes they cannot do for themselves. We understand our dependence on one another, but moslyt we understand how we cannot make it through this life without our Saviour. There is no other way.
Being a mother is one of the most selfless jobs on the earth. There seems to be more complaints than thank yous, more eye rolling than help, and most of all some how our children are smarter than us! I love being a mother. It was hard during the toddlers years. I put my life on hold, so I can be the mother the Lord wanted. (Trust me I am in no way saying I am a good mother, just ask my children.) Everyone has said, enjoy these years, they go by so fast, which they do! I have found the good out ways the bad, thank you starts to come more sincerely, and they realize you were the smartest mother ever (not quiet there yet with my children, but I am sure there with my parents!)
Today I had one of the most rewarding feeling ever. Jake lives in his big brother Robbie's shadow. Robbie is faster, smarter and stronger than Jake. Not a day goes by that he doesn't let Jake know this. We tell Robbie and Jake all the time, this is only because Robbie is older, the field will level out once you both are a little older. Where as Robbie is a natural athlete, Jake needs to work very a little harder. This week was football try outs. There is an A team and a B team. I don't want to get into all the million of things wrong with youth sports, but still there are two teams. As you would think the A team gets to pick all the players they want and all the other players go on the B team. This is Robbie and Jake's second year playing football. Last year we missed try outs due to a family vacation, so of course theyboth were put on the B team. Not saying they would have even made the A team if they were in town, but most of these boys have been playing together since second grade and very few boys get a chance on the A team. Neither of my boys wanted to go to try outs this year. Robbie was already on a team, since Steve is helping coach. Jake didn't want to try out, because he just figured he was already going to be on the B team so why try. I talked to Jake and told him to do his hardest no matter what! Jake is so stinkin cute! This is a boy that needed to be told not to smile while he played sports. He just loves to play! Yesterday when I picked Jake up from try outs, he told me he thought he made the A team. I said that would be good, but there aren't many spots open on the team. I didn't want him to get his hopes up, but knowing Jake he would be happy with whatever team he was put on. This morning I went to pick him up he walked over with the biggest smile I have ever seen. I rolled down the window and asked what was up and he said, Mom I made the A team. I jumped out of the car and gave him the biggest hug ever. I can't even explain the joy I had for him. I totally started crying! I honestly rather have my kids be far more successful than me. The joy is like no other. It's kind of selfish because seeing them succeed is a greater feeling than I get when I do anything good. Being a parent, you understand your Heavenly Father love for you. You began to understand how He wants you to succeed in life. He wants you to be happy. Some times things in life seem too hard, but He knows if we try our hardest, we will be happier. I love ALL my children. Not a day doesn't go by that I don't thank my Heavenly Father for all my blessings. I know all I have is a blessing from the Lord!

Be Grateful

2010-05-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

I had the wonderful chance of meeting the Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. Steve and I were at game 3 of the Jazz/Lakers series. As we were sitting in our seats waiting for the game to start, we hear someone say, "win, win, WIN!" We were surprised to turn around and see President Monson walking into the suite with a big smile on his face. With such a close game, most everyone there was glued to all the action on the court. At half time I was up getting ice cream when President Monson got up to stretch his legs. He smiled and shook my hand. I looked into his eyes and said, "I just want to say thank you." He looked at me with questioning eyes and replied, "for what?" I was shocked by his response, in my head I was thinking, for everything; your wonderful talks, leading the church, being a special witness of Christ, where do I start? I simply said to him, "for everything." I didn't know how to express how much gratitude I had for the countless hours he devotes to the church. The many trips he must travel to lead the Lord's church. For absolutely everything he does for me, someone he doesn't even know, whose life he had blessed in different ways I can't even start to list all the comfort and counsel he has given me in talks. After I said those two simple words, he just smiled, waved his hand in such a humble way, like you don't need to thank me, I haven't done anything special. We both went back to watching the game and he quietly left after the missed shot at the end of the game. I have thought how wonderful it was that I had a chance to personally thank the Prophet for all he does. I know how lost and miserable my life would be without a living prophet in my life.

I have been thinking a lot about being grateful and having a positive attitude and how these two principals go together. People who tend to be grateful, tend to look at the positive side of things. Is it possible to be thankful for trials? Absolutely! Here are two different accounts of the same situation found in 1 Nephi 17. First here is Nephi's account:
And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.
And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.
And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.
And we did sojourn for the space of many years, yea, even eight years in the wilderness.
And we did come to the land which we called Bountiful, because of its much fruit and also wild honey; and all these things were prepared of the Lord that we might not perish. And we beheld the sea, which we called Irreantum, which, being interpreted, is many waters.
And it came to pass that we did pitch our tents by the seashore; and notwithstanding we had suffered many afflictions and much difficulty, yea, even so much that we cannot write them all, we were exceedingly rejoiced when we came to the seashore; and we called the place Bountiful, because of its much fruit.
Now here is what Laman and Lemuel had to say:
And thou art like unto our father, led away by the foolish imaginations of his heart; yea, he hath led us out of the land of Jerusalem, and we have wandered in the wilderness for these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things, save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions.
Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy.

See the difference? When we go through difficult times, do we blame our loving Heavenly Father? Do we look for those around us to blame? Or do we look at how we have we are given a chance to grow? Do we look at what can we learn from this situation? I often think of Rob's response to being told he had stage 4 cancer:
It reminds me one of my favorite stories in 3rd Nephi. The righteous people have been awaiting the miracle of the Savior's birth. They waited "steadfastly" without a murmur. The night was now at hand, the Saviour was to be born that very next day or they would be put to death. How does one handle that? What do you tell your children that evening you prepare for bed? Do you beg for your life and that of your love ones?
As Nephi prayed for his people he heard The Lord tell him to "Lift up his head and be of good cheer...on the morrow come I into the world." I doubt sweeter words had ever been uttered to Nephi! What an answer to a simply heart felt prayer. Never did he ask for what to do, or can Thou change this or that. Simply, please help us know what to do.
As I look at my family and where we go from here I think those simple things. What does The Lord need us to learn? Are we willing to do it?
I love you all,
Robbie
I wouldn't say we were grateful for the cancer. But this I do know; I would not know how to rely on the Lord with going through this trial. I would not know power of the scriptures, prayer, fasting and service. I would not know how many people cared so much for us, willing to make enormous sacrifices to help our family. I didn't know how much my faith and dependence on the Lord would grow. I am thankful for so much. I feel so abundantly blessed, actually I know I am so abundantly blessed. I have received blessing from the Lord, through so many people, they can't be named. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Remember to count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God hath done.

Murmuring

2010-04-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

I wonder if it is a teenager thing, but murmuring could actually drive me to insanity! I think my children love to complain, just for the art of complaining. I have said to them, even if I give you a million dollars I am sure you would complain about how hard it is to spend that much money. This morning as I was reading in my scriptures, I came across one of my favorite stories in 1 Nephi. This story actually made me worry a little bit about the amount of murmuring my children actually do...
First let's start in 1 Nephi 3:1. Notice how after Nephi had a spiritual experience with the Lord, he first went to the tent of his father. Nephi desired to know the things his father knew, and the Lord blessed him with this knowledge. I had never noticed before how he than went first to share his wonderful experience with his dad. What a wonderful insight to their close relationship. Lehi than tells Nephi of something hard Nephi and his brothers are going to have to do for the Lord. They needed to go back to Jerusalem and get the plates of brass from Laban. Lehi said, "I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord." Those who know the story, understand the difficulties of this commandment. Lehi understood. Nephi and his brothers understood. I LOVE verse 6 and what it says, "Therefore go, my son, and thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast not murmured." Nephi is being favored, yes favored of the Lord because he did not complain about what the Lord has asked him to do. The Lord did not say, I love you more than your brethren because you choose the right. No, the Lord says you are favored for not murmuring. I tell my children this all the time. One child will be favored over the other for being obedient. It doesn't mean I love one child more than the other, it just means the one child who listens to me and does what I ask without murmuring, I am usually a lot nicer too! Lehi even feels the blessing of having a child not complain. We don't have the account of Lehi telling Laman and Lemuel to go back to Jerusalem, but we can assumed by Lehi's response to Nephi's willingness, (my father was exceedingly glad) that things didn't go as well with the older brothers.
The Lord gave Nephi a commandment and expected him to fulfill it. This is the part of the story I love! Just because we have been giving a commandment to do something, doesn't mean it is going to be easy! Also, it doesn't mean we will be able to do it on our first try! After their first failed attempt, Laman and Lemuel were ready to head back to their father and throw in the towel. But Nephi said no! Not till they accomplish what the Lord had commanded them to do (1 Nephi 3:15). Nephi said, "let us be faithfil in keeping the commandments of the Lord" (1 Nephi 3:16). Going to get the plates was a commandment of the Lord and Nephi was going to keep the commandments. Nephi then had to persuade (1 Nephi 3:21) his brothers into being faithful to the commandments of God. If you have to "persuade" someone into keeping the commandments, the chances are they are not keeping them for the right reason and are likely going to have a change of heart. They tried a second time, and failed! This time Laman and Lemuel started taking their frustration out on Nephi and Sam, until an angel came and said; First stop hitting your brothers and second the Lord will make it possible for you to get the plates. And after the angel left, Laman and Lemuel STILL MURMURED, saying how can the Lord make this possible. They just had an angel tell them they were going to get the plates and they still were complaining! Nephi then goes on to testify of the power of God and how through God the Red Seas were parted and how an angel told them this commandment was possible. Yet they still continue to murmur (1 Nephi 4:4). How destructive is murmuring? I read this account and think: I do not want my children to end up like Laman and Lemule. Through out 1 Nephi you can see how their murmuring brought many trials and difficulties that could have been avoided. When we keep the commandments and are obedient to the will of the Lord, we will be blessed or highly favored of the Lord. Sometimes, no wait, a lot of the time, it will take a huge amount of faith to keep the commandments. And it will seem absolutely impossible to do what the Lord has asked of you. But here is one of many stories in the scriptures that show how the Lord provides a way for those willing to keep His commandments. I also have countless times in my life when the Lord has blessed me for keeping His commandments. Trust me, it hasn't always been easy, and even at times it took countless efforts, but the Lord was always there helping me. I love the scriptures. I love the insights and understandings I receive when I study them consistently. I just hope I am able to show my children the importance the scriptures in their lives. Also that they might possibly ease up on the murmuring!

A Simple Book

2010-03-30T08:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we were having Family Home Evening with Steve, Hannah, and Max using Skype. For those of you who don't know what Skype is, pretty much it's a video phone conference. Every Monday we do our lessons together, even though we are states apart. This week we were talking about how different we are all, but how we all together make up a wonderful family. We each went around and shared some different things about ourselves. When it was Ellie's turn one of things she said was how she is reading the Book of Mormon. I felt so proud of her and her choice to read this special book.
The kids have been missing their dad a little more lately than usual. I am sure missing their dad comes from a combination of me getting married, the anniversary of his death, and Easter. Ellie came in my room one night and seemed very upset and sad. I told her when I am sad, I start reading the scriptures and then I start to feel peace. I asked her if she thought reading the scriptures could being her peace. She said yes and went off to start reading. Well for the first week, she carried them around with her everywhere, reading whenever she had a chance. A couple of weeks later I asked her how was her reading going. She said that it's been kind of hard now that she was in 2 Nephi. I just had to smile and tell her, lots and lots of people find 2 Nephi hard to read! She than went on to say, before when she read the scriptures, she was just reading the words not really thinking about what she was reading. But now she was actually thinking about what she read, which made it easier to read.
Yesterday was a very rough day for me! The monkeys had spilled water on my laptop, which now no longer works! This put me into major stress mode! Ellie just started to take over and help me. She got the monkeys ready for bed and picked up the house for me. I have noticed lately a positive change in her as she consistently read her scriptures. I see her want to be more of a peacemaker than a trouble maker. She becomes my little helper and knows exactly what to do to make my life easier. As I was reading the Ensign this morning a wonderful thought came into my mind. Without the loss of Ellie's daddy, would she be reading the scriptures right now? Would she has such a tremendous desire to feel the spirit? Would her faith be growing? Not, that I would wish any trial on any one, but are we growing from what life is trying to teaching us? Do we take the trials in our life and become a better person? I hope Ellie will discover for herself the importance of reading the scriptures everyday. She can start a pattern now in her life that will be a tremendous support, no matter what situation lays ahead for her. She is such a blessing to me. I love my boobalicious!

Exercising......

2010-03-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I was talking with a friend of mine while we were exercising. She was telling me how she missed how knowledgeable she was in the scriptures while she was on her mission. How she just didn't understand where that knowledge went! Then said to me, I never thought I would ever forget all that knowledge. We both knew the answer to her statement...

Here's something frustrating for me... I have worked out pretty much for the last 13 years of my life. The only time I would really take off exercising is right after the birth of my children. I remember going to the gym the day before Ellie was born. I would have gone the day she was born, but we needed to be at the hospital so early! So long story longer, I haven't worked out consistently since I ran the Ragnar Race in June. One would think, I have worked out for 13 years, I can take some months off and be fine! Well that isn't how it works. Those who work out consistently can feel a difference when they take even a couple of days off. You can build up a little reserve, but not much! It has been so hard for me to get back into working out. I never thought it would be this difficult. I love to exercise. I have always made time for it in my life. I know the benefits to working out. I know I feel better and look better when I am exercising! So why is it so hard for me to start back up?

This brings me back to the conversation I had this morning with my friend. Scripture studying is just like exercising in so many ways! But the most important similarity is the consistency of doing it every day. There may come times in our lives when life will get insane and scripture study will go by the way side. Or we may feel there are more important areas in our life that need more attention. But just like exercising, even going a couple of days without studying the scriptures, we feel the difference in ourselves. And the longer we go with studying, the harder it is going to be to get back into the habit. Just like the children of Israel receiving manna from heaven. The manna only lasted for one day (except for the day before the Sabbath). They could not build up a storage of manna for the week they were going on vacation or when they didn't want to go out and collect. Every day the children of Israel would have to do the work to be fed from the Lord. Every day we have the same opportunity to be fed from the Lord. the question is: are we willing to do the work? We were not put on this earth to have an easy life. We are here to prove to the Lord that we choose Him first, no matter the challenges, no matter the ease of life.

A California Adventure

2010-03-22T16:25:00.001-07:00

Sunday Will Come

2010-03-05T23:44:00.000-08:00

On March 6, 2007 my husband, Rob Epperson passed away. We knew the day before that it would be sometime soon, but as for the time, it was any one's guess. I will always remember the night of the 5th of March with tenderness. Most of Rob's closest friends were able to come by and say their good byes. I can't really remember how many of us were in the tiny blue room surrounding Rob. We told stories, laughed, and I saw all these strong men break down and cry as they said good bye to a close friend. After they left, all of Rob's family arrived, not at all prepared for what they would see. Their strong, loud, larger than life brother/son, laying frail and weak in bed. They too now surrounded the bed with tears and stories. The question came to all of their minds, how could this happen? how could Rob of all people leave us? We can't go on with out him? he's the life of the party, the oldest brother who lead us through the hard times. We can't imagine life without him. As we all tried to come to an understanding, we learned to find comfort in prayer and turning to the Savior. Having faith that even though we don't know the answers, that we still trusted in the Lord. I stayed by Rob's side all night. Not wanting to sleep, because I didn't want to miss any of my last moments with him. I just remember praying all night that the Lord would release Rob's spirit from his body. I wanted Rob to be free from all his pain and discomfort. Finally the time come. Dr. Liss had told us what to watch for right before he died, so we knew when it was coming. Everyone was gathered into the small blue room. We all watched Rob take his last breaths and leave this mortal world. The next week was kind of a blur to me. I remember having moments, thinking, this can't be my life. There is no way I am picking out a coffin and flowers for my husband. It was almost best to not think at all, because I could not comprehend reality. During this most difficult time I turned to the scriptures. There I found a comfort and peace that could not be found any where else. I on the day of the first funeral, I was reading in Alma 31 and came across this verse,"O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me." How fitting were those words to my soul! The scriptures are the one place where anyone can find peace and understanding, no matter their situation.

I have told this story so many times when I am speaking, that I feel as if everyone has heard it. But then I realize very few people I know have actually heard me speak, so I thought I would share it with you all....

Rob was buried on a Friday. Sunday morning Jake, who was only 8 years old at the time, walked into my room and asked where's Daddy? I was confused by this question and asked what do you mean? And Jake said, it's been three days, Jesus was resurrected in three days and it's been three days, so where is Daddy? My heart ache for my Jake. I explained to him that yes Daddy will be resurrected, but not for awhile. The faith and knowledge of my little boy was far beyond his own years. I came across a wonderful talk by Elder Wirthlin the October 2006 General Conference (http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-646-11,00.html) called Sunday Will Come. Elder Wirthlin said, " Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." I know this to be true. I know no matter hard our lives may seem at a certain time, Sunday will come. I have seen this in my life and I have seen it in other's lives as well. As we trust in the Lord, keep His commandments and turn to the scriptures, we will be blessed. Most likely we won't be blessed in the way we would like. But He blesses us far better than we ever could imagine.

One speaking out of the dust

2010-03-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

Two years ago this morning, Rob couldn't be woken up. I had to make one of the hardest calls of my life to his family and tell them to jump on a plane and come say good bye to their son and brother. At times this seems like another life and at other times it seems just like yesterday. Last night I went through and read some of Caring Bridge. I started from the beginning and read till 3am. I didn't even get pass the April journal entries. I read Andy's talk from the funeral, which brought both laughs and tears. I was amaze by my strength. As I read those entries, I knew what I wrote was from the Lord, not from me. The Lord was my constant companion during those days. I was only being an instrument for the Lord, sharing my testimony of Christ and His ability to bless and comfort. The Lord was showing us, how if we turn to Him during difficult times, He will strengthen us far beyond we could ever imagine. I love the scripture found in Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for i will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

A couple of weeks ago I found this card in some of Ellie's stuff. Those who know Ellie, know what a pack rat she is and is always keeping silly things. I just about died when I opened the card and read it. It was if Rob was speaking to me today...

Welcome to Miami

2010-03-01T15:26:00.000-08:00

Steve had a conference he needed to attend in Miami and since I have the best babysitter in the world (yes Jessica!!) I was able to join him there! Until this trip we had only spent 4 nights alone with one another. We had such a wonderful time together. Honestly, I can't think of any thing better than, shopping, laying out by the pool reading, and spending time with Steve (not necessarily in that order). Yes, I did get sun burned! I was laying by the pool reading and Steve came up during his lunch break to see me. He asked me, don't you need some suntan lotion? I was like, no I never burn! Well as the night went on, my skin kept getting darker and redder! To give credit, he never did say I told you so!

We finally made it down to south beach on Friday night. It was a little cold (high 60s) but still a lot warmer than the snow I left back in Utah!

My cousin Emilee, who lives in New York, just happened to be in Miami that weekend for her birthday. We met up at the famous Joe's Stone Crabs. We had a great time talking and celebrating her birthday! I truly feel so blessed! Even though it was hard leaving Steve in Houston, I know it is just for a short time before we will be together again. I am just so happy and can't believe my life is this wonderful! (sorry about being so cheesy, I just can't help it)

The Principle of Compensation

2010-01-25T17:07:00.000-08:00

I love the Principle of Compensation. I've talked about it a lot in talks and my Christmas letter, but now I feel the need to talk about it more. In October 2008 General Conference, Elder Wirthlin gave a wonder talk titled, Come What May, and Love it. In this talk he mentioned the Principle of Compensation which is: The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. Elder Wirthlin goes on to say, "that which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

When I first started speaking only 7 months after Rob passed away, I knew that all would turn out well. I knew the Lord was watching over my family and this was part of the Lord's plan in our lives. I could see the many blessings we had in our lives and I had a strong faith that everything was going to be fine. As more time continued on, I knew the Lord was still blessing us, but not in the way I had imagined. As I continued to speak and share my testimony, I would testify that all would turn out right, but I was getting a little frustrated that I could not see the Lord's plan for me. I kept thinking back to the Principle of Compensation and I trusted in an Apostle of the Lord that this would be true for me too! I also knew too well that the faithful are blessed, but not always how we imagine or in the way we want. It is understanding that the Lord knows better than we do in life!

I came across a quote from Elder M. Russell Ballard, "through faith we can find peace, comfort, and the courage to endure. As we trust in God and his plan for our happiness with all our hearts and lean not unto our understanding, hope is born. Hope grows out of faith and gives meaning and purpose to all we do. It can give us comfort in the face of adversity, strength in times of trial, and peace when we have reason for doubt or anguish."

This quote explained exactly what I was doing. Trusting in Heavenly Father's plan for me. Having the hope that all would turn out wonderful. And I am here to testify that all has turned out wonderful. Not how I had imagined, but still more wonderful than I ever expected! Having Steve, Hannah and Max come into my life has been a tremendous blessing. I believed I could have joy again, but really experiencing it, is another story. It is truly wonderful! I am so glad that my faith turned into hope. I am glad I trusted in the Lord, instead of doubting His plan for me. We will all have times in our lives where we wonder if the Lord is answering our prayers, if He is listening to us. We will even have times where we have felt our prayers were not answered. Please know, He is there. Continue to have faith, continue to pray and read the scriptures and you will be blessed for your obedience.

Wedding Pictures

2010-01-22T08:30:00.000-08:00

I know it's been FOREVER since I have posted anything and since I am avoiding cleaning my home I thought I should post some wedding pictures. I really did put our wedding together in two weeks! We wanted it very simple. We let our kids plan as much of it as they wanted. They really wanted to dance down the aisle. Our wedding was for our kids and we all had a great time!

What are you doing New Years? I'm getting married!

2009-12-16T16:14:00.000-08:00

OK, OK, OK... I know I haven't posted FOREVER and now I am posting this! But obviously I've been way too busy to blog! I have no idea where to start, so I'll at the beginning...

This summer was kind of a hard summer. Hard in the since that I got off track. I was dating someone that I knew wasn't going to work, but yet I was trying to make it work. It's funny, but you know from the start if it's gong to work out or not. I needed to get my life back on track and I was disappointed in myself for losing focus. I was getting ready to start teaching institute, so I turned all my free time over to scripture study and my kids. I started seeing my counselor again (the one I saw after Rob's death) to make sure I was making wise choices. She is an unbias person I could talk to and someone to help me work through dating (yes I needed someone to help me so I didn't make the same mistake again). My friend Stephanie talked me into going online to a LDS dating site, just for the fun. She had met her husband online and gave me great advice. YES, I know I made fun of many people for going online...so I am sorry! I went on many first dates and went through a lot of emails. I had come to the conclusion of two things. First, men lie about how tall they are online. I am 5'5, so how is it with heels I am taller than someone who is "5'10"? And second, I honestly thought there were no strong single LDS men out there. I am talking, guys who won't watch a rated R movie or go to the store on Sunday. I was beginning to believe I was going to have to lower my standards.

So, I get a flirt from some guy in Texas. Usually I don't even look at people who send flirts, but something about him caught my attention. Plus he was in Texas! We started emailing...So he tells me his work brings him out to Salt Lake and that he would be in town if we would like to go to lunch. It's funny, looking back now, I didn't even want to go to lunch. I was so sick of first dates and the awkwardness in meeting someone in person for the first time. AND he wanted to go to Olive Garden of all the places! (Sorry if you love Olive Garden, but it's honestly one of my least favorite places to eat) To make a long story longer... our lunch lasted three hours! The only reason why it ended, was he had to catch a flight back to Houston. Now the long phone conversations start! I love my sleep so I am guessing I must really like this guy to stay up late talking to him on the phone. I realized with him I didn't have to lower any of my expectations. He loves the gospel as much as I do and is truly devoted to it! He came back two weeks later, and we were able to go out a couple times. That's how we started dating, when he was able to come out to Salt Lake. (BTW he works for Huntsman and has an office up in Salt Lake) I was heading to Portland to speak and did not know he was planning on surprising me there. He emailed Jennifer to make sure he wasn't imposing on her and mine's time. I think she was excited to meet him and agreed. During this time, I was still meeting with the counselor, making sure I was taking this slow...

When I was in Portland speaking; Steve, Jennifer and I had about 5 hours in the car to talk. I knew this would make or break it. If he drove me nuts, than it would be over. (Yes I was driving the whole time. If he had been driving...this story would have ended differently!) On that trip, I just knew. I knew he was the one. Jennifer also knew. Her and I talked about it and it was a special moment for the both of us. I didn't want to go back to my counselor and tell her I had fallen head over heals for someone. I was trying to take it slow, but I could just feel Heavenly Father's hand in my life slowly (actually quickly) showing me the way.

Now that we both knew it was right, it was time to meet all the families. I was able to fly down to Houston for Steve's birthday and meet his parents (who were visiting from Boise where Steve grew up) and his two kids, Hannah 11 and Max 7. Steve then got to meet all my family over Thanksgiving and then the Epperson's the following week. I got to meet 4 of his 6 siblings over the Thanksgiving weekend here in Salt Lake. I can say all of my family (my family includes all the Eppersons too!) was very impressed with him. I mean, he has to be a great guy to want to marry someone with 5 children! Let's fast forward to dinner on December 7th. Steve was heading back to Houston the next morning and we started joking about getting married on New Year's Eve (come on who wouldn't want the tax write offs?) We had joked about this forever, but never really thought much about it. The more we talked about it, the more the idea appealed to us both! We made a few calls, talked with our Bishops (who both agreed sooner is much better than later) and finally on Monday 14th we had the green light. So basically I have thrown together a wedding in a very short time. We will be living apart till school is out, but the weekend visits will be much more fun!

I can't explain how I can love another person besides Rob. I know it's hard for other's to understand and I hope no one has to go through what I have to learn it is able to love again. I also didn't think there would be someone out there that could love me so much! Like I put in my Christmas letter; in the Oct 2008 General Conference, Elder Wirthlin talked about the Principle of Compensation. He said, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." I remember hearing this statement and knew it had to be true, but I couldn't see how in my life. I am now seeing the full filling of this statement and can testify to the truthfulness. I am thankful for many people who have prayed for me. I know it won't be easy, but that with the Lord's help we can do all things!

Halloween 2009

2009-10-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from Halloween. On Friday night Adrienne held her annual Halloween Party. We were all disappointed with Andy not dressing up this year. Apparently he had dressed up, but as Jeni said, his costume went a little to far. Luke and Johnjohn dressed up as Buzz and Woody. Not sure if any of you remember Jake and Robbie dressing up as Buzz and Woody. As a matter of fact, Luke is wearing Jake's costume. Robbie was sure original this year by being a football player. He has finally hit the age wear he wants candy but doesn't want to dress up. All the older kids went off with friends this year and it was just me and the monkeys. Andy and Adrienne came over and hit some houses with us. The monkeys really enjoyed trick or treating this year. Running from door to door getting candy.

Halloween Party Lesless held.

Jaxon, Kelsey, and Robbie

Luke and Johnjohn

AJ and Andy doing the annual Pumpkin Carving Contest

Adrienne's Halloween Party

Jimmy and Linzi

Mother AJ and Spidy Beck

Roddie and Hank

The whole gang!

Every year we have so much fun!

Jessica and Mick

Matty

2009-10-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

One of Rob's best friend is Matt Elerding. This is a picture of Matt and Luke at Red Robin for I think Rob's birthday. I came across this article Matty had written and wanted to share it with you all. In typical Matty fashion, he didn't tell me about the article. Here's Matty's words:

(the rough draft of my 4th article for The Columbian. Don't be shy with your feedback.. it's not due until Wednesday!)
A Tale of Two Robs – Let me say right up front that this article, while it appears in the Real Estate section of the Columbian, is only loosely tied to the art of buying, selling and financing homes. To be candid, I just don’t have it in me to pen another depressing manifesto about the current state of real estate and mortgage lending. That being said, I have to believe that if you thumbing through this section of the Columbian then you are either employed in the real estate field, employed in the lending filed, buying a home, or selling a home – or at least some variation thereof. If this is the case then I also believe that you, like so many others in a similar role, have experienced a healthy amount of change in the past two years. If this is the case then this article is meant for you. So instead of asking you to slog through another write-up filled with the lexicon of mortgage lending or the realities of real estate, I would rather tell you a story.
It’s a story about two guys named Rob. I met the first Rob – Rob E. – in the spring of 2007. It was March and we both had the dubious distinction of being Little League Dads – a title that carries a brimming level of poignant responsibility fraught with leadership, character and, above all, an unbelievable amount of time. Rob E. and I would arrive every Tuesday afternoon, the trunks of our cars crammed with baseball mitts, bats and dirty cleats that will forever decimate the resale value of automobiles until the end of time. We would shepherd our young soldiers on to the field of battle and do our best to teach them the ways of the world on that hallowed ground known simply as the Baseball Diamond. Neither of us were official ‘coaches’ of those fearless Boston Red Sox, but being the unpaid ‘helper coaches’ of this ferocious gaggle of ten-year-old boys was a duty that we both looked forward to every Tuesday. Under the guise of coordinating baseball drills and handing out juice-boxes, we were secretly solidifying yet another chapter in the book of memories with our lookalike progeny. It was on this field, deep in the heart of Battle Ground, that I grew to admire, respect and love this father of five kids. He worked hard, treasured his beautiful wife and found time to shower five separate children with enough love to last them a lifetime. He was so very, very amazing and he made me want to be a better man.
Meanwhile, an equally incredible Rob – Rob C. – came into my life. He too demonstrated all the qualities that should be printed into a text book of how to be an amazing human being. He sold real estate for a living and had been doing quite well. He wasn’t your typical unctuous salesman. He oozed effervescence and all those he encountered knew that it was genuine and true. Despite an unwavering commitment to his career, he always managed to strike that perfect balance that allowed him to love his wife and be a role model to his three adoring children. Shortly after becoming friends with Rob C. he asked me one day, rather randomly, what was my favorite song? I answered his question with a raised eyebrow, he said ok, and we moved on. A few weeks later I called his cell phone to ask a business question and was greeted not with the standard ringing of an outbound telephone call but rather with the soothing reverie of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. I couldn’t help but smile at the simply sweetness of his gesture. It’s just the kind of guy Rob C. is; simply thoughtful and he, like Rob E., made me want to be a better man.

As 2007 began to unfold, it was apparent that maybe our collective gravy train would be pulling into the station in dire need of a massive overhaul. It started with the seemingly unstoppable real estate juggernaut coming to a grinding halt and before long virtually everyone – particularly those tied to, or even loosely tied to, real estate – was feeling a level of strain that hadn’t been felt for quite some time. All around me I saw people with this unshakable and palpable level of stress and anxiety, something that hadn’t been experienced by such a large number of people in a short period of time. Our incomes were suffering and yet those pesky monthly bills kept showing up on the 1st of every month with remarkable consistency. A lousy economy is truly an equal opportunity employer. Despite their positive outlook, the two Robs of my life were also feeling the pressures of the changing economy. Rob C. was experiencing a painful dip in his real estate business. His listed homes where not selling and his potential buyers were having difficulty obtaining financing (curse those mortgage bankers!) He was working twice as hard for half the income. He would eventually have to go through the painful experience of a short-sale on his own residence and move his family into a rental home. A few short weeks later his wife, his partner in business, would be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Never had I seen a friend be barraged with such a tidal wave of bad news and yet through every nightmare transaction and through all the unthinkable battles of his personal life, his bright smile and infectious demeanor never wavered. Not once.
Although not directly tied to real estate or banking, Rob E. was feeling the pain of a souring economy and struggling to make ends meet with his career as well. His company had cut his hours and people were just not spending money the way they used to. But with bootstrapping endurance, Rob showed me and so many others that perseverance was not merely a choice but an obligation. It was about this time that Rob wasn’t feeling very well and he went in to see the doctor. Three days later he was diagnosed with cancer. I watched with a heavy heart as my dear friend battled Melanoma for three long and painful months. I watched as his frightened wife and terrified children saw the most important man of their life dwindle to a frail human being incapable of walking and eventually unable to wrap his once strong arms around his family. I watched as his spirit remarkably, and inexplicably, seemed to grow stronger with each passing day. My friend, bedridden and so weak he could barely muster a smile, had become the most monumental hero I had ever met. The night before Rob would eventually lose his battle, I came to his bedside. I leaned over and kissed him his brow and told him how much I loved him for making me realize what it meant to be a hero to so many people. I feel so very blessed that these two Robs came into my life and showed me a level of optimism I had never experienced before.

Here were two guys struggling with all the ills and setbacks that this life can throw at you, but through it all they maintained an attitude that seemed to permeate the jaded exterior of all those they encountered – me included. Please understand. I’m not trying to channel my inner Casey Kasem by prodding you to reach for the stars. But somewhere between tired clichés and an overwhelming sense of doom and gloom the truth lies. The two Robs showed me that for every chunk of bad, there are infinite more nuggets of good – you just have to be looking for them. There is always a laundry list of things for which we should all be grateful. Look, I’m not some Pollyanna about the bad stuff that exists out there. We’re surrounded by bad stuff. It’s everywhere. In our relationships, in our jobs, in those we love and those we don’t know. We have jobs being cut, people losing houses and parents claiming that their son is floating away in a helium spaceship in an effort to land a reality show to further exploit their children. Make no mistake – bad stuff is abound. But I also know this; there is good to be extracted out of even the simplest of moments. Sitting in a restaurant, eating with your family. Your senses pounding on all cylinders. The smell of your waitress’s perfume. The infections laugh of the toddler two tables over. The sound of the baseball game pouring from the TV mounted above. The smell of dinner wafting from the kitchen. These seemingly simple moments are loaded with all the little nuggets of life – but only if you’re open to receiving them. Listen, I know that this life is filled with daunting uncertainty and a brooding realization that maybe, just maybe, our existence isn’t going to be what we had imagined as kids while fearlessly sprinting across the playgrounds of our youth. The squashed dreams and painful realties of our lives are scattered up and down the I-5 corridor as we bumper-to-bumper our way to jobs that, frankly, we just don’t like very much. I think that sometimes we look around and feel like we’re the only ones living in a constant state of fear, disappointment and regret for a life that could have been. Fortunately we all have moments of grandeur and a realization that, if only for brief and inspired moments at a time, there is hope for the years that remain. I keep a picture of Rob E. in the sun visor of my car. He is there as a constant reminder of the man he was and the man I know I’m capable of being. I don’t keep a picture of Rob C., of course, as he is still alive. It might be difficult and slightly awkward explaining to my wife why I have a picture of another man, with crystal blue eyes, tucked into the visor of my car. Instead I just call his cell phone and listen to the beautiful notes of that famous Beethoven sonata and remind myself that we’re all in this together. And that gives me hope. And that’s a good thing.

Scarecrow Festival

2009-10-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

Johnjohn, Kate, Hank, Meggie and Pucca
Katers dancing in her Cow Girl costume

Erin and I planning our outfits so we could match! jk

Katers, Hank and Meggie

Trying to sneak a picture of Robbie and his Grandma.

We have documented proof that Robbie spent the day with us.

Trying to get a picture of me and Robbie.

I am still stronger...

But not for long!

The people around us starting giving him a hard time

so he finally agreed to smile!

On the choo choo train.

Meggie, Katers, Pucca and Johnjohn

These three are trouble!

Johnjohn on the jumping toy.

Yesterday we had the fun opportunity of watching my niece Kate dance at the Scarecrow Festival. She did a wonderful job in her cowgirl outfit. Robbie happened to be the only "older" child home, so he HAD to come with us. He complained about 70% of the time. We kept trying to get pictures of him, so we could document that he spent time with his family. The kids had a great time, riding the choo choo train, playing on the jumping toys and eating kettle corn.

A Simple Blessing

2009-09-29T20:32:00.001-07:00

Each year before school would start, Rob would give a Father's Blessing to each one of the children and me (school is hard for me too). With Rob not here with us, my dad has given us the Father's Blessing before school these last two years. This year when he gave me my blessing, he said that you will be getting another blessing, but not at this time. I thought that was very interesting and it also made me a little nervous. I thought, what would be going on in my life that I would need another blessing? Tonight our new Young Women's presidency and Advisors were all set apart. I am very blessed to be the Laurel Advisor. I am so excited and so grateful for the opportunity to work with such wonderful leaders and young women!! All the leaders were setting there taking turns getting their blessings and all of the sudden it hit me, this is the blessing your father was talking about. I could feel the spirit so strong, testify to me the truthfulness of what I was thinking and feeling. Brother Manuela gave me the blessing (my home teacher who my family loves). He talked about how much Rob wanted me to know he loves me. How I have angels around my family guarding us and helping us. The importance of sharing my testimony with the youth, not only in our ward but all over, as I do my speaking. It was a wonderful and beautiful blessing. For a moment, I knew I exactly where the Lord wants and needs me. I hope I am able to do all that He asks of me!

Suprise Trip for the Boys

2009-09-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have felt like a neglectful parent to my kids, in the sense that I can't focus on them all as good as I would like. My older kids do a lot of work. Not chores per say, but they have a lot expected of them with dad gone. I wanted to do something for the older kids to show them how proud I am of them with all they have been through the last 18 months. We are St Louis Cardinal fans and I realized they were playing in Denver soon, so I put together a weekend with Robbie and Jake (in all fairness I am taking Ellie with me to Portland in October). The boys had no idea this was going to happen. I told them I was checking them out of school to take them to lunch. Robbie asked where we were going to lunch and I told him Cafe Rio and he said he rather stay at school. So we get home and on the table is Cardinal t-shirts, airplane tickets and game tickets. Jake just saw the t-shirts and was like, gee thanks for the shirt? I had the explain, no we are leaving right now to get on a plane to go to the game tonight. It took about a minute to sink in what we were really doing. We had such a great time. The game Friday night was close but the Rockies won in the bottom of the ninth. We got to go down on the field to watch the fireworks after the game. I turned to the boys and said, when you woke up this morning, could you have even imagined that you would be laying in the middle of Coors Field tonight? We got to stay with Garret and Tiffany Anderson, our good friends from college. We stayed up all night talking and laughing! Spent Saturday with them and went to another game Saturday night. Yes the Cards won the NL Central with that win! There were tons of Cards fans there cheering. We all had a great time!

Jake and I in front of Coors Field

Down on the field for fireworks

Robbie and Jake sick of me taking pictures

Jake watching Batting Practice

Saturday night when the Cards won the NL Central!

Summer is over...

2009-08-30T15:36:00.000-07:00

I know that everyone has pretty much stopped checking my blog. I pretty much knew that I wouldn't blog very much over the summer. This is a picture of us taken in June in Las Vegas. I have a lot happen this past week. To say the least it was a hard week. All the different parts of my life came down on me in different ways. I was talking to my Bishop and he said that he felt as if Satan was trying his hardest to discourage me. You see this next week I start teaching institute. This is a dream come true for me. Ever since I started attending institute in Washington, I knew I wanted to teach someday. I didn't know how much the Lord was going to expect of me over the next six years to develop me into the teacher He needed. My Bishop has the most confidence in me and my teaching (I don't think he has ever even heard me teach!) He said of course Satan wants to discourage you, wants you to not be focus, think of how many lives you are going to touch. So after pretty much crying all day Friday, I turned to the Lord and asked for forgiveness in my lack of focus. I was reminded that it is through our trials that we learn to trust in the Lord. So I got out my study guide and started reading. I started listening to Conference talks again on my ipod and knew I needed to focus, if not for myself, for all those who will be attending my class. In church today we were singing the sacrament song, when a line to the song struck me, "And silently we pray, For courage to accept thy will, to listen and obey. We love thee Lord, our hearts are full, will walk they chosen way." I need to remember that I have chosen to accept the Lord's will for my life, and sometimes I just forget. I guess I had figured by now (a year and half after Rob died) I would have a better idea as to where my life is going. The one thing I do know, is I love to teach and if that is how I can be an instrument for the Lord, than I am doing what He wants. I am so excited for my class. I hope I can help at least one person grow, like I was helped in Washington.

First day of Preschool for the Monkeys!

2009-08-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am one of those mothers who can't wait to put her kids into school! I have friends who want their kids to stay home forever or think they can teach their children better than someone else. I think my kids and I do much better with a break from one another! And yes for you doing the math, the monkeys don't turn 3 till October, but I begged and pleaded my friend to take them early. I think she might count this as her compassion service for the year! The monkeys have been talking about school everyday. When my dad gave the kid's their Father's Blessing before the beginning of the school year, Luke and Johnjohn wanted a blessing also. Everyday they have been asking me, school? We going to school? Luke could not wait and actually tried to leave with Robbie to school this morning! How cute is this kid? He's ready to go!
I could barely keep him from running out the door!

Johnjohn on the other hand wanted to stay home and watch TV. I am not sure how we got him out!

Luke jumped out of the car!

Johnjohn needed to be pushed out of the car.

Here they are holding on to the rope.

The monkeys would not stand together and smile. This was the closest picture I could get. I am sure it's going to be a wonderful year!

Back to School Back to Blogging

2009-08-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

Do you have any idea how many entries I have saved as drafts from this summer. I would get started writing them and then life would happen. We were so busy this summer, I barely had time to think. But with school starting, I have time in the morning while I am avoiding my breakfast dishes to blog. Life will be just as busy this fall. Robbie and Jake have both started playing tackle football. They absolutely love it!!! I held them off for as long as I could playing tackle football. I didn't want my boys to get hurt (any who remember all my brother JD went through with concussions would understand my concerns). The boys love playing and just having fun. Robbie wears his dad's old AF football uniform to practice. Robbie has been told by his coach to ease up at practice and not hit the players so hard. He knocked a kid out the first day! He loves playing defence. Jake has been playing center on his team. His first game is tomorrow morning.

Robbie started Jr High this year, lockers, different classes and everything. On Wednesday the 7th graders went to school all by themselves to get the layout of the school and classes. They then didn't go on Thursday and went back today for their first "real" day with 8th and 9th graders. Yesterday Robbie and I spent the day together with Ali and her 7th graders out on the boat. It was a fun last day together before my little Robbie is a teenager forever. He is such a tremedous help. I know that I am probably too hard on him. There is no way I could get through all of this with out him. I wish he didn't have to grow up so fast, but I know he will be a better person and father because of it.

I had the opportunity of speaking at another Best of EFY in Pocatello, Idaho this week. I went very well and I love being able to share my testimony with others. I will be doing another one in the Tri-Cities area in October. It will be great heading closer to home! Starting in September I will be teaching an institute class on the Book of Mormon. I am also looking forward to learning and growing in the gospel. I have misses my institute class in Washington and hope my class will be even half of what Sandy's class was for me. This class is for anyone, it will be Thursday's 9:30-11 am. There will be a nursery for mom's to come and learn. I am anxiously looking forward to what this year will bring for me and my family. I have no idea what the Lord has instore for us, but I do trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding.

I KNOW......here's a post!

2009-08-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

So it has been an extremely busy summer. We have been to Las Vegas, McCall (twice) and Lake Powell. Also, I ran a relay race in the middle of all of that! Plus all of Sally's field trips have kept us extra busy! I have a whole bunch of pictures and blogs saved as drafts. I just wanted to quickly write so everyone wouldn't give up on me! The biggest new is I will starting teaching an Institute class in the fall. I can't tell everyone how excited I am for this! While we lived in Washington, our stake offered an institute class during the day. I will admit that I first started to go, just to get out of the house. (At the time, Robbie was 6 Jake 4 and Ellie 2) All the moms took turns in the nursery, so we could come and learn. Sandy Ririe was and still is the teacher. I know my testimony grew more there in that class than it had ever in my life. She taught me how to love the scriptures and seek learning for myself. All the women in the class taught one another in sharing their testimonies and stories. The class had young mothers, women with older children and empty nesters. We felt safe and loved in our class. Any concern we had, we could find our answer there. In this class, I felt the whisperings of the spirit to have more children. I started to cry and turned to LeAnne and said, but I don't want to. Surprisingly she knew what I was talking about and knew I could handle more children. I was to the point to where I scheduled everything around my class. Adrienne started flying in on Wednesday nights so she could come to the class. After 5 wonderful years of learning, I am finally having my turn to give back. My hope and desire is to be even half of the teacher Sandy was for me. If I can help anyone to learn to love the scriptures, it will be a success. For people to grow and build their faith and testimonies, is all I want to accomplish. I hope I can be an instrument for the Lord in helping others come closer to Him. I thank my brother, Bishop Bagley and President Sermon for helping this dream come to past! I can't wait for class to start! I am sure I will learn more than all my students. Next week I have Youth Conference, a Best of EFY in Pocatello, then school starts! I will post my summer, but I don't know when. Love you all!!!

Babies, Babies Everywhere!

2009-06-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

Within a week and a day, our family was blessed with two babies!!! First, on June 14, Erin and Rod had their sweet baby boy, Hank Rodney. He came a little early (37 weeks) and his lungs needed a little more time to develop,therefore staying in the hospital for awhile. Then, my sister Kathy had her second child, Abby Rose, on June 22. Great Grandma and Grandpa Epperson holding Hank
Hank Rodney Poulsen
Abby Rose Rinker
Ava greeting her little sister for the first time. Grandma Sheri holding Abby.
Rinker Family: Craig, Kathy, Ava, and Abby.

Tough Love

2009-06-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

Another piece to the puzzle of my life will come together now. Let me first start with a story to help everyone get a view into my thought process. When I was 14, I think, I was playing shortstop in a softball game. My dad was the coach, and I believe we were in a championship tournament. A line drive got hit right to my ear. I did throw the girl out, but there was a time out on the field for my dad to come and check on me. I remember my dad saying you're fine, you're staying in the game. And I was like dad I can't hear out of my ear. He looked at me, looked at the dug out and said I am not taking you out, you're fine. But dad I can't hear!! I did stay in the game and learned at an early age to play through any type of pain. Tough love, but I feel I am a better person because of it. (I am positive my siblings have similar stories!) I was thinking about this story this morning as I was running and my knee was KILLING me. I was thinking about how I have learned to keep going no matter what type of pain I may be in. You pick yourself up, don't complain (still working on that part) and finish what you have started. My dad taught me that I can do anything, no matter how hard or how difficult it may seem. It is very easy in life to come up with excuses not to finish the race or to come out of the game. Everything won't be perfect. You may not hear for awhile, your knee might hurt, or your life may not turn out how you imagine, but there is no one else who can finish the game, a race, or life but you.

The Posse Field Trips

2009-06-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

Some of my friends (actually one, and I will call Prez) is bored out of her mind. This is her first summer not working and home with her kids all day. Long story longer, she has made up all these different field trips for her family and we have just tagged along with her fun, whether she likes it or not. The first field trip was a hike up in Pleasant Grove. Yes, hike. I made it through living in the Northwest and only doing maybe two hikes in 5 years (and I am counting the Pioneer trek as one). I didn't really want to go on the hike, but got talked into it and was glad we went. The walk up to the water fall would take the normal person maybe 20 minutes, but the monkeys took a little longer. You need to think about how big those rocks are compared to them. And how little the legs are to be walking. They were good little monkeys and did end up going to bed at 6:30 that night! Even though I had to drag my kids on the hike, they had a wonderful time and asked when we were going on the next field trip! Shauna and Luke walking up the trail.
Ellie and I enjoying the spray of the falls.

Johnjohn and Luke throwing rocks into the water.
Robbie, Jakers and I

Jakers climbing around

Tyler, Robbie, Jake and Nic

GO FISH

2009-05-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

When our friends the Bushmans got home from their trip, they found both their bathtubs filled with gold fish! I am not even sure how many they had, but a lot. They have been trying to give away as many fish as possible. My children have been begging for a pet. We are not pet people. I feel as if the monkeys are enough work for all of us! So Ellie comes home one night with a gold fish from the Bushmans. Soon, Jake and Robbie both had fish of their own (I think Ellie may have bought hers). They came home and got flower vases to put the fish in. Jake is so happy to have a pet. They all just start at the fish and fight over who is going to feed them (which meant me going to the store at 1130 at night to get fish food). The monkeys love the fish! They keep calling them Nemo and even stuck rubber ducks in the water. I am wondering how soon till I find one in Luke's hands!

Memorial Day

2009-05-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

For Memorial Day we went up by slick rock for tin foil dinners with the Jones and Searles. This was my first tin foil dinner and the only thing I know how to cook in tin foil is salmon. Let's just say I am now a fan of cooking out in the canyon!

It never even crossed my mind to write our names on the foil to tell them apart!

Sadie and Cami were such wonderful helpers with the monkeys.

Ali, Audrey, Ellie, Dallin and Steve

Denece is watching her car go through all the mud puddles.

We would really like at least one of them to marry each other!

The monkeys can find mud where ever they go!

Denece was teaching the kids how to make whistles out of snake grass.

The boys taking the monkeys for a hike.

I love this picture of Steve and Cami!

Friends, Food, Shopping and Cards!

2009-05-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has taken me so long to update my blog. Now that the weather is nice, I am sure my entries will be far and few between. My wonderful friends flew down from the Northwest to visit and attend Women's Conference. We had the greatest time ever. These girls have been there with me through much of the hard times. They wanted to make sure everything here was good here for me. They wanted to make sure I had good friends here and a good ward to watch over me. I know Jennifer watched everyone with a close eye, making sure they were taking care of me and being nice! We walked so much during Women's Conference. I loved being back on campus. I heart BYU! I hope the girls didn't get sick of all the different stories I had every where we went. I do have to say campus is much nicer than it was when I was a student! I did know a lot of short cuts to take and could take us any where on campus! We went up and down these stairs tons. Jennifer can go up and down really fast! We couldn't keep up with her.

Kim and I having fun with Traci's camera!

We got to meet Brad Wilcox and talk with him for a pretty long time. He had came to our stake and spoke to the Young Men a couple of months ago. Robbie didn't want to go, but I made him. Robbie loved listening to him! I was glad I had the chance to tell him what a great speaker my 12 year thought he was.

Every night we stayed up pretty late, either talking or playing cards. Here we are playing Nerts with Shauna, Bret, Paul, and Robbie. Robbie has gotten really good at the game. He had just learned it that weekend.

Me yelling Nerts, no more cards down!

It was a great weekend and one I needed! I can't thank Jennifer, Kim and Traci enough for coming and spending time with me.

Happy Patikkah

2009-05-05T05:39:00.001-07:00

I believe it was the year I turned 30 that Rob started my birthweek celebration. Every day for the week of my birthday I would get a new present. They were nothing huge, just a little something, I guess to soften the blow of turning 30 (oh how I wish I was that age now). Unfortunately, he started a horrible tradition. You can't just do that one year and never again!! It's like flying first class, once you've sat there, you can't go back to coach! Sheri then changed the name to Patikkah, like Hanukkah a week long celebration. My kids are wondering when they are gong to get a birthweek. I told them when they become a mother, sorry men! My friend's Leslee and Margie went all the way with Patikkah and making sure I had the best birthweek ever! AND the weather was wonderful for Patikkah, sunny and warm (unlike now). So during Patikkah I got to go out on the lake with Sally and Shauna! Here's some pictures from a wonderful Patikkah!

Of course I had to have cotton candy at my birthday party. Thank you to the Searle family! Leslee makes the BEST sugar cookies ever!

Me and Johnjohn on the boat. Monkeys trying to take a nap.

The monkeys didn't like the boat too much. Everytime they would see Sally afterwards, they would say: scary boat, Sally scary. It was the first boating of the summer, hopefully they will get use to it by the end of summer!

Pinewood Derby Champions

2009-05-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

Jake had his first Pinewood Derby contest last week. Last year we missed doing it, because well life was busy. Jake never let me forget how we missed last years race and was counting down the days till his race this year! He enlisted the help of his uncle AJ in building his car. AJ took his task of building Jake's car very serious. Jake drew pictures of what he wanted his car to look like. Jake called AJ almost every other day for a month to talk to him about the car and what they needed to do. Grandma Adrienne helped Jake with decorating his car. The best part was Robbie telling Jake before the Pinewood Derby, that he'll probably not win. Robbie said, I had never won, so you probably won't! AJ and Jake with "Jake's" car. Jake winning his first race!
Jake holding up his trophy for winning the whole derby!
Jake and AJ with the winning car. I am not sure who was happier; Jake or AJ!
AJ with his winning car!

Spring Break

2009-04-21T08:27:00.001-07:00

We decided to get out of the cold weather and head south to St. George for spring break. We went with our good friends the Bushman and the Youngs. Sally's parents were nice enough to open up their home to all 16 of us! We learned that the monkeys do not do well sleeping without their bed's. Mental note for next trip, take portacribs! While we were there we also ran into Mandy and her kids! It was great to spend an unexpected afternoon with them. I've know Mandy since I was 5 years old! The last day we were there, it started snowing!! I was beginning to think we were cursed. We didn't have any warm clothes to wear. I had to bribe the kids to go to Brigham Young's house. He's only their great, great, great, great, great Grandfather (they come from the 13 wife). The monkeys thought it was fun to into the chained off areas. We then went to the St. George Temple. We had to hurry and take these pictures outside, because honestly it was snowing

We made the kids all sleep outside. It was like they were camping!

Johnjohn and Luke would not go to sleep in their room. We had to just let them fall asleep where ever they were sitting.

Apparently they like to put their blankets over their heads to sleep. It's about 11:30 at night when they finally fell asleep!

A Special Easter Message

2009-04-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

I am thinking there is no such thing as a perfect picture, when it comes to my children. But I love this picture because it shows all of their personalities! My brother JD has the wonderful opportunity to speak on Easter Sunday. He emailed his talk to all of us and I begged if he would let me put it on my blog. It's such a wonderful talk and I just love my brother so much! I hope you all can feel the wonderful spirit of his message!

Family,

I was asked to speak in church on Easter Sunday. I’ve known about the talk for a little over two weeks. I had a talk in mind up until a few days ago when I started getting a strong impression that I was to speak about Rob. There were two problems with that thought, first, I didn’t think I could publically speak about Rob and maintain much composure, second, I was only given 5 to 8 minutes to talk and I didn’t think that was enough time. I kept fighting the feelings until I finally could not dismiss the thoughts any longer.

I woke up early on Saturday morning and wrote this very much abbreviated version of what I perceive to be a story about the importance of the Resurrection. I silently said multiple prayers just prior to my standing up to speak. Needless to say I did not make it through the first sentence before choking up but I took a deep breath and was able to finish.

Generally speaking I never type out my talks word for word, but I was glad that I did in this case. Anyway, I wanted to share my thoughts with each of you. I didn’t want to post this on our blog but I did want to share it with each of you. I love you and I do look forward to a grand reunion with Rob and all our family members during the resurrection.

J.D.

A little over one year ago, I received a phone call from my younger sister Patti, who was living in Battle Ground, WA. She informed me that her husband Rob was in the hospital being treated for severe headaches and nausea.
She and Rob were on an indoor coed soccer team. Just two nights previous to Rob’s entering the hospital, Patti watched Rob score two goals. He was healthy, strong, and full of life. Now, she watched Rob lying in a hospital bed. The news was not what anyone expected nor was it what anyone wanted to hear. Rob was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma cancer. Unbeknownst to anyone, cancer had rapidly spread through Rob’s entire body. Rob, 34 years old, and my sister Patti, 32, are the parents of five children, ranging from 11 years old down to 18 month old twin boys. Life as they knew it, would never be the same.
Word spread quickly through the Ward. Priesthood blessings were bestowed and multiple prayers were offered. Shortly after the diagnoses, I received another phone call from my sister. It was early in the morning and she was crying. Startled and worried, I asked what was wrong. Tearfully she stated that the entire Ward wanted to offer-up a special fast for Rob. Pointing out to Patti that this was a good thing, I asked why she was crying. She described a phone call from her Bishop just moments before, wherein he stated the Ward was prepared to start their Fast, but they simply wanted to know what specifically to Fast for. An entire Ward was waiting for direction and through tears; she explained that she wanted to do the Lord’s will. Patti’s concern did not revolve around Faith in the Fast, she had complete faith in Fasting, her concern revolved around doing the Lord’s will and not her will in such a delicate situation.
The family decided to aggressively treat the cancer. Even with daily chemotherapy treatments and other aggressive measures, Rob’s condition worsened. He began losing movement in his arms and legs. No longer able to care for Rob and her five children, Patti began to enlist members of the family to come and stay in her home. For two and a half months, family, friends, and neighbors labored and served the faithfully and it was finally my turn to spend a week in Washington.
Even though several family members had warned me about Rob’s condition and his physical appearance, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. I stood in astonishment at the door of his bedroom. What was once an athletic, strong, and very capable body was now weak, frail, and incapable of getting around. Rob’s 185 pound body had deteriorated to 125 pounds. His skin was pale, he had completely lost all his hair and even his teeth were discolored. Rob and I had snow skied, water skied, played basketball, baseball and golfed together on multiple occasions. We had enjoyed many fun, exciting, and spiritual moments together over the years and it was difficult to see him in this state.
We spent some tender moments together over the next few days as I helped feed Rob and massage his legs. He slept a lot of the time and when he was awake, we tried to make him smile as much as possible and keep him comfortable. We went to bed one evening with the plan being that on the next morning we were scheduled to head to the hospital for more treatment and that I was going to go with Patti and Rob to help lift Rob in and out of the car. However, when we woke up the next morning, we could not get Rob to respond. He had slipped into a coma during the night. The doctor was summoned to the house and by mid morning, it was apparent that Rob was approaching his last hours with us.
Once again, word spread quickly through the Ward and friends begin coming over to spend some time with Rob. By that evening, all of Rob’s family had arrived. We cried, laughed, cried some more, and prayed together often throughout the night. Early the next morning, we sat around the bed as Rob took his last breath, passing onto the next life.
I have reflected much since that day just a little over a year ago. I had simply thought I was just taking my turn to help assist Patti and Rob; I had no idea as to the magnitude of the events and what it would do to me to be there that week. If I had time, I would tell you of many more faith promoting events and actions of others. My testimony grew deeper and stronger. I have watched in amazement how my sister responded to the passing of her eternal companion. From day one, she put the Lord’s Will first. Her un-denying faith in Heavenly Father’s plan has strengthened many, including me. Never has she blamed or been angry with the Lord. She continues to persevere through one of the most challenging events ever.
Just prior to Rob’s passing, I sat and listened to Patti gather her children around and sing “Families Can be Together Forever” and explain to her children that Heavenly Father, through his son Jesus Christ, has made it possible for families to be together forever. Because of Jesus Christ and the Resurrection, they would see their Daddy again. Because of Jesus Christ and the Resurrection, their Daddy would have a perfect body once again. I then listened to her explain that while it was extremely difficult to lose their father at this time in their life, they could have joy in knowing that they will be together for eternity and that their sorrow will one day be turned to joy.
In John, Chapter 16, the Lord speaks of the time when he will pass on. His life will be taken away. At the time of his death, he teaches in verse 20 that the people “shall weep and lament, but the world will rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned to joy” (John 16:20). The Savior’s rising from death on the third day crowned the Atonement. Again, in some way incomprehensible to us, the effects of His resurrection pass upon all men and women so that all shall rise from the grave.
How important is the resurrection? The Prophet Joseph Smith declared: “The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1938], 121).
I dreamt that I was eating dinner with Rob just the other night. He looked amazing. He was trim, clean cut, and I specifically remember noticing his smile and white teeth. I woke up wondering if that is what Rob might look like after the Resurrection. It put a smile on my face.
I was also able to spend some time with Patti this past week. A business trip took me to Salt Lake where Patti had relocated her family to be closer to Rob’s family. I spent the evening at Patti’s house we talked late into the night. I mentioned to her I was speaking on Easter Sunday to which she replied. “I love Easter Sunday. I love thinking about the resurrection.” To which I too testify of the resurrection. The assurance that the resurrection will include an opportunity to be with our family members; husband, wife, parents, brothers and sisters, children, and grandchildren; is a powerful encouragement for us to fulfill our family responsibilities in this life. This Easter Sunday, we can reflect on loved ones who have past and consider how great will be our joy when we reunite once again and to reunite with our very own Savior, even Jesus Christ.

Holy S.....snow!

2009-04-16T10:39:00.001-07:00

Honestly, it it April 16th and you would not believe the amount of snow we woke up to this morning! AND it's Spring Break for the kids, not winter break but SPRING! I had honestly packed away their snow clothes for the summer. But who knows if summer is EVER going to come! I am trying my hardest not to be bitter!

Coloring Easter Eggs

2009-04-11T16:50:00.001-07:00

Sorry, we went out of town, now I am behind on my blogging.

Here's pictures of Andy & Jeni's family coloring eggs with us!

Jeni and Luke
Jake

Robbie

Isaac waiting...

Andy and Johnjohn
Ellie

Johnjohn

A Warning to all Tweens...

2009-04-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

I read this article in the paper and just had to laugh!!

A Cheyenne father smashed his teenage daughter's cell phone with a hammer after she sent or received about 20,000 text messages in a month.
The Christoffersen family's phone plan with Verizon didn't include texting, and the phone company charged them for each incoming and outgoing text.
Gregg and Jaylene Christoffersen thought texting had been disabled. They only learned their 13-year-old daughter Dena was doing so much of it when they received a phone bill for more than $4,750.
Gregg Christoffersen took a hammer to his daughter's phone hours after the phone bill arrived. He and Jaylene also grounded Dena until the end of school.

Sometimes I feel like taking a hammer to Robbie's phone!

Flying Trampolines!!!

2009-04-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

So those of you on Facebook, you already heard. For the many of you not on Facebook...Yesterday my car got hit by a trampoline. Yes, that is correct. No I wasn't driving my car or even it in at the time. No I wasn't in Kansas and Dorothy wasn't any where to be seen. (Yes we still listen to Wicked at all chances possible, even Robbie and Jake want to see it now!) I was at my friend's house out in Saratoga Springs. It was extremely windy outside. I went to go leave her house and there was a trampoline in her front yard. Now, when I got to her house, there was no tramp in the yard. I was like, wow there's a tramp in your front yard! And how did that not hit my car? Well a good thing I went and looked at my car, because it had in fact hit my car and cracked my tail light. I felt so bad for my friend, Amy, because then we had to call around to see whose tramp it was and then tell then it damaged by car! The lady was a good sport, though I don't think she'll be as happy when she gets the bill. Tail lights can be expensive!

Ranch Epperson

2009-04-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

AJ lives down in Santaquin on a couple of acres. He has three horses and tons of dirt to plan with. Last Saturday Andy came to pick up the older kids to go down to AJs. Well the monkeys heard the name AJ and knew right away that it meant horses. The only way I could calm them down was to take the monkeys down to AJs.

Andy was a great sport leading all the kids around for rides. The kids were great at taking their turns.

Addie, Ellie and Izzy waiting their turns.

Jake gets to ride the horse without help. He was walking the horse over a log, which I guess is good for some reason.

Luke and Johnjohn on the horse. I don't know where they are looking.

The kids also went for rides on the 4-wheeler. Luke and Johnjohn liked the horse a lot better!

A nice clean Luke after a full and busy day!

Luke and Johnjohn checking out the horses. Luke wanted to wear his hat and boots

Death, Taxes and Peeps

2009-03-31T08:12:00.000-07:00

My best friend is high school was Amy. I pretty much lived at her house. Her mom (Penny)always had Pepsi on hand for me. When I went off to college, in another state, far, far away from home I got an Easter package from Penny. She remembered how much I love peeps! She saw them at the store and decided to send me some. And then the next year I got another package of peeps. And then the next year...For the past 15 years, at Easter I always knew I would get a package of peeps from Penny. My packages are now labeled to Patsy and her "peeps". When I saw the package on my front door yesterday, I knew pretty much who it was from! It's amazing how something so simple can mean so much to my family every year!

Happy 84th Birthday Shramps!

2009-03-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

Grandpa Shramps turned 84 years old last week. In his words, there is nothing you can do about it so you might as well enjoy it! Shramps is Rob's Grandpa on his father's side. I think I could easily say that Rob is his favorite, considering Rob was the first grandchild. I always knew Rob and his Grandpa were close. When Rob and I first were married, Rob had gone on a golfing trip with my dad and brother. While he was gone, Shramps was admitted into the hospital, for I believe heart issues. Rob and I had only been married maybe six months and I found myself up at the hospital with his family, not sure what was going to happen. We waited to call Rob and tell him till he was on his way home. I remember how upset he was. Rob told me he could never imagine his life without his Grandpa. We decided then that we should start our family, because Rob wanted our kids to know their great grandpa and love him as much as he does. Well sure enough, Robbie came along, Robert John Epperson, which is Grandpa's exact name. I believed we were doing John for my dad, and had not realized that it was for both! Our boys have spend many summers with their great grandparents and have gotten to know each other, just as Rob wanted.

Trying to get all the kids in the picture was a little hard!

We got these cakes from Dough Boys and Flower Girls. Oh my goodness they

were wonderful. We couldn't even finish them all gone!

Crazy Weekend

2009-03-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to Portland to see Wicked with my friends. It was actually a lot easier to get tickets there than here in Salt Lake. We had a wonderful time! Here's Jennifer and I standing next to the poster. I couldn't help but notice who was standing by the good witch and who was standing by the wicked witch! I need to thank Kristen for getting us the tickets. Without her none if this would of been possible AND we wouldn't of had such wonderful seats!!

So when everyone asks me how my weekend went, well that is hard to answer. Last Monday night Ellie was up all night with the flu. I secretly hoping it was food poisoning, but in my heart knew that wasn't the case. By Tuesday night Johnjohn started throwing up. Luckily, it was a 24 hour flu, so I knew things would be over quick. I was leaving Thursday and didn't want to miss Wicked due to the stomach flu. I was cleaning the house and hoping to keep it contained. When I picked Jessica (one of my old Young Women from my Battle Ground Ward) up I warned her at what was ahead. Sure enough, Johnjohn wasn't done with the flu and was sick Wednesday night. I left Thursday morning with a prayer in my heart that Jessica and the kids would be fine. Friday, both Johnjohn and Luke were sick. Throwing up on Jessica and in their beds. Jessica did say that Luke got good at throwing up into a bowl. Thank goodness for great friends and a ward. Jennifer the Saint, came over and helped her clean up and dinner was delivered for them. My Home Teachers came over and gave Jessica and the kids a blessing. Saturday morning, I was talking to Robbie on Facebook and he said he wasn't feeling so well. Soon, Robbie and Jessica were both sick. Jennifer came and got the twins and Ellie went off with a friend for the day. Jake didn't want to leave Robbie a lone. I felt so horrible not being there for them. I felt horrible for poor Jessica having to be in this situation. But I knew they were being watched over by many wonderful people here and I didn't need to worry. Honestly, how come it happens when I am gone? Can't say it wasn't nice missing being thrown up on, but still that is just not something Jessica should have to deal with. I always knew she was amazing, and now I think even more of her, as if that was possible!!

Conversation with Robbie

2009-03-17T08:57:00.001-07:00

Robbie is twelve. For those of you who don't have a twelve year old, be thankful. If you are going to have one, one of these days, I am so sorry. Robbie and I have been going through a difficult time, figuring out life, what, what not, ect. I really hope he doesn't hate me and I do know he thinks I am rather annoying. I love him so much. He can be a lot of fun, when he isn't rolling his eyes at me. If Robbie is hard, I don't even want to think about Ellie at twelve....

So Sunday we are coming home from church and Robbie says to me, "We had a weird lesson at church." First I am speechless. I usually have to ask twenty questions to find out maybe what there lesson might have been on. Plus Robbie doesn't really volunteer any information, so the fact that he was saying this got me a little nervous. Instantly, I started thinking what off the wall thing was taught in class. Am I going to have to call someone and get false doctrine corrected? So I ask Robbie, "What was your lesson on?" He then tells me it was about finding a good wife. I was like what? What did they say? He said that you wanted to find a wife that would be a good mother and would raise your children in the gospel. I was pretty impressed with his recollection of the lesson. I asked him if that sounded good to him. He shrugged his shoulders. Then I asked him how did dad do at finding a wife. He looked straited into my eyes and then did the biggest eye roll ever.

March Madness

2009-03-16T09:40:00.001-07:00

Let me first say, about 90% of you will not get this post. I was explaining it to Jeni this morning and she said this where we differ. This morning I was watching Mike and Mike (if you don't know what that is, you can skip the post). All of the sudden I realized I am flying to Portland on the most important teleivison day in the world. I have never not been infront of a TV on this Thursday in my adult life. It is the most exciting day EVER! It's the first day of March Madness. The first day full of college basketball games. The day if filled with upsets, close games, and buzzer beaters. The TV is taking you from one game to the next, with only a little pause at dinner time. I have been filling out brackets for as long as I could remember. My dad would always take the centerfold out of Sports Illustrated and write in his picks, then high light the ones he got right and cross out the misses. I guess he raised his daughter to love the best and most exciting play off system in all of sports. Thursday will start with 64 teams/hopefuls and by Sunday there will only be 16 left standing. Rob would tease me about my picks, saying is that what Dan Patrick told you to put or is that what Rome said? I do my homework all week and take my brackets very seriously. This is why I can't believe I am going to Portland on Thursday and will have to hear from others about the close games and see the last second shots on Sports Center. How could I make such a rookie mistake. Never plan trips in the middle of March or at least plan on being in front of a TV on Thursday. I know it will be a great trip and I'm excited, let's just hope I have good picks this year to make up for missing Thursday!

Oh Where oh where has our Patti gone?

2009-03-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

No I have not dropped off the face of the earth. No I haven't gone into a deep depression after the year anniversary of Rob's death. Let me try to sum up what I have been doing.

Sick, preparing for speaking engagement, sick, speaking engagement, sick, switch monkeys to beds, sick, dinner for Rob, sick, spend time with brother and family, sick, see Bennett and Ross families, sick, teach lesson, sick, finally see doctor and get medicine.

I realized that I had done nothing the whole week, when I went to get the monkeys dressed for church and realized their church pants were still in the dirty clothes. This meant I had gone the whole week without doing laundry. So this last week I spent the week catching up on life from the previous week. I haven't been on the computer much and have barely check my emails. I am finally feeling better, running five miles on Friday. Now I am afraid that I gave Jeni my sickness and hope she gets feeling better soon. I just wanted to quickly let everyone know that I am alive and doing well.

I found some old pictures on a camera from Jake's first grade Christmas party. I can't believe how little Jake and Ellie look in these pictures.

Crazy Hair Day for Jake and Ellie. Jake was mad the next day because I wouldn't put his hair into a Mohawk again! I don't think this picture truly shows how "high" Jake's hair really was. Robbie is too cool for crazy hair day.

Different Kind of Service

2009-03-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

Jeni asked me months ago if I would speak at her Relief Society's Birthday dinner. Of course I agreed! When I finally wrote the date down on the calendar I was a little taken back, because it was on Wednesday March 4th. I had already committed, so I knew I would have to just make it work. I didn't know what I would be feeling this week, therefore I was a little nervous. But as the date drew closer and as I started preparing my talk, I realized the timing couldn't be more perfect. Instead of focusing on this date and feeling sorry for myself, I was thinking of the wonderful Riverton Ward. I was thinking about their needs and living in such a way to have the spirit with me. And we all know that if you have the spirit with you, you are a little happier. Not that I don't miss Rob, I just could handle this week as I focused on what the sisters in Jeni's ward needed to hear and as I served others. Service is one of the greatest things we can do, to help get us through difficult times. I haven't been able to serve in the typical ways; watching children and making meals. But I hope I am serving others by helping them build their testimonies and understanding the importance of the scriptures and our Savior. Every time I speak, the spirit testifies to me again and again that what I am teaching is true and I strengthen even more. I often feel like I get more out of speaking than the audience. I am so grateful for the different opportunities I am blessed with to share my testimony!

Dates

2009-03-02T06:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am coming up on a big "date" this week. Those close to me, know the date, and have been cautiously watching me. I haven't really wanted to make anything big of this date, but the more I try to ignore it, the more I sense its presence. There have been a lot of first "dates" this year; our first Christmas without Rob, first birthdays, and major church/family events. As I think back on all of these, I guess the hardest one for me was our anniversary. No one really knows your anniversary but you and your spouse. No one else has any reason to celebrate the day, but the both of you. For me that date was the hardest thus far. As I said before I have been ignoring the coming date of Rob's death. Why would I want to remember or recount one of the hardest weeks of my life? Why would I want to think about the Fast Sunday one year ago, when I was fasting to know what our future held? The Monday I took Rob to the hospital to get a full body scan to see the extent of how the cancer spread? That he got sick in the car on the way to the hospital and thank goodness Jennifer and Brian were following behind us for help. How much pain Rob was in, yet went on all these appointments for me. How on Tuesday a loving Bishop came to my home and counseled me that Rob was going to die soon. And how I got so mad at him and accused him of asking me to give up and fight for my husband's life. Why would I want to remember that Wednesday morning when Rob wouldn't wake up and I had to make the call to his family and tell them to come as soon as possible?

This is why I want to remember all those days. On Fast Sunday, Sandy Ririe got to come and help Sheri with the twins and Rob. She is someone who loves Rob and wanted to serve him and hadn't had a chance. She was so grateful for the time she had with him. Jenni Anderson bore a beautiful testimony in Relief Society that reminded me that I could find the answer to my fast in the scriptures. Monday, what wonderful friends I have to follow and help me out when I took Rob to all his appointments. Even Jennifer's parents were in town and were so helpful to us. Our friends helped more than anyone could ever imagine. Having my brother and mother come on Monday to be there during my hardest time. My brother who gave insight and support that only he could have given. He was a rock for our family that week. A Bishop who came over and gave the correct counsel in a difficult situation. Wednesday, Rob's Doctor cancelled all her appointments and came strait over to our home to be with us. Robbie had just happened to stay home that day from school. Dr. Liss spent probably an hour speaking with Robbie and answering all his questions that none of us could answer. She saved one life that day, my Robbie who felt peace and understanding in such a difficult time from her answers. I had Jennifer wake up that morning, not knowing what was going on, but knew she needed to be at my home. She came and spent the day caring for the twins and cleaning my home. Heather, who is not a member, also felt the need to come to my home that day wondering how she could help our family. All of Rob's friends were able to come and say good bye. How grateful that all of Rob's family could get to our home to be with him during his last hours. So many blessing in this last week, one year ago. When we think of that week, I would love all to see the tender mercies of the Lord. To see all the wonderful blessings in my family's lives. To see that the Lord does not leave us in our time of need. He is always there, by our sides helping us through our trials. We can either see the Lord's hand in our lives or we can ignore the amazing blessings He continually blesses us with.

My Speaking Gig

2009-02-22T19:31:00.001-08:00

I had the wonderful opportunity of going to Idaho and speaking at a Best of EFY (Especially for Youth) this weekend. I got to speak in front of about 800 youth and leaders. Adrienne and Jeni were able to make the trip with me and be there for support. The first place I was speaking was Twin Falls, Idaho. We drove there Friday night, with all intentions of going to the temple that evening. But with driving and not having any dinner yet, we all thought it would be best to go to dinner. As we were at dinner I thought a girl the restaurant look liked my freshman year RA. All during dinner I kept looking at her wondering if this was the same person. Granted I was a Freshman 16 years ago, so I didn't trust my judgement too much. When I meal was done, Jeni and Adrienne told me just to go over and find out if it was her. And sure enough it was! She recognized me right away and said that she had just been thinking about me a couple of weeks ago and now here I was talking to her. She was now living in Twin with her husband and three daughters. She asked what I was doing there and I told her I was speaking the next day at a Best of EFY. This got the rest of people's attention at the table, because they were taking their youth the event. Her husband turned and looked at me and said, you don't look like your picture on the flyer. I just laughed and said well there's a funny story behind that picture. He said, we all thought it looked like Sarah Palin. This just made me laugh even harder as I told him the picture was from Halloween when I dressed up as her. I used Kristen's comment and said, ya it's a good thing I wasn't a hooker for Halloween, then the picture would have been really interesting! Long story longer, Kelly my RA came the next day with her husband to hear me speak. After wards it was great to talk to her and know we both needed to be there that day. I do not think it was a coincidence that we were both at that restaurant that night. Why are we surprised when these things happen? When we see Heavenly Father's hands in our lives?

I had a wonderful time speaking. I was almost late for my second speaking assignment in Rurpert, Idaho. I didn't realize how much time it would take me to drive there from Twin. I love sharing my testimony with others. I love telling others how the scriptures can help any one during difficult times. I love the scriptures and can't imagine going through this last year with out there help, guidance and comfort. I want everyone to know our Savior is there for you. One way He answer prayers is through the scriptures as we read and study. Every time I have the opportunity to share my testimony about the scriptures and about Rob, I feel more joy and support. I hope the youth were able to be taught by the spirit this weekend. A scripture in Doctrine and Covenants best explains how this uplifts me when I speak. I am so grateful for the opportunities I have to share my testimony with others. "Wherefore, he that preacheth and he that receiveth, understand one another, and both are edified and rejoice together." D&C 50:22

Epperson's Valentine's Day

2009-02-17T12:36:00.001-08:00

My Valentine's Day first started with these beautiful flowers from my mom and Tony. I was completely shocked to get flowers delivered to me. It was a wonderful surprise, considering I don't have too many surprises these days. Later, I did get flowers from my kids, which I love also. Last week, Ellie and I got a letter in the mail, saying that we needed to be dressed and ready on Valentine's night for a night at Chateau Poulsen's. Robbie and Jake left around 4 o'clock to go get ready for the big night. First we were picked up at home, with Robbie opening all the doors for us. Erin and Kate were at our house, since their house was "getting ready". All of us girls, me, Ellie, Erin, Kate, Adrienne, Jeni, Izzy, and Addie, were greeted at the door with a long stem rose. The men had made a wonderful flank steak dinner, with garlic mash potatoes, salad and rolls.

We all had a great evening, eating, laughing and talking about manners! Notice how "short" Robbie's hair is. It still could use a little trim, but this is a huge improvement. And this is the one night a year Jake (because he's under 12) gets to wear a tie. Funny now that Robbie wears a tie every week, he didn't want to wear one! Is it me or is Ellie starting to look older?

All the girls. Clockwise: Erin, Adrienne, Jeni, Me, Ellie, Izzy, Addie, and Kate.

Erin, Jeni and I at one time all had the same hair cut. We are trying are hardest to make all of our hair different.

The boys clockwise: Issac, Andy, AJ, Roddie, Jake and Robbie.

Special thanks to Erin and Roddie for letting us have it at their home.

PS They are having a BOY!!!

New Candy of the Season

2009-02-17T06:20:00.000-08:00

First let me point out that the candy of the season has changed. The Bushman family got the old Conversational Hearts and have put in suggestion for next year's Valentine's Candy. Last night the boys went to drop off the candy and door bell ditch the Bushman's. While they were hiding they could hear Abby say, who do you think these were from? And Emily said Who do you think? I do have to say that the huge amount of candy created a seal, so the hearts at the bottom, actually tasted fresh! For this season's candy idea, I must give credit to Emily. We were driving one day and talking about what candy to put in next (she cares because she knows she will get it eventually). I was originally thinking of going strait to Easter candy. It's already in the stores and I LOVE Easter candy. But we started talking about St. Patrick's Day and what we could do for that day. I would not put it pass her father to be prepping her with ideas to give to me. He was still upset that I didn't use sweetheart candy for Valentine's Day. So we came up with Chocolate Gold Coins. I went to a Partytime store and bought them all out of their chocolate coins. You can notice from the picture that I couldn't fill the jar all the way. AND the monkeys will not get a candy every time they walk by. I have even considered putting in a money jar next to the candy jar to off set the cost!

Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T05:50:00.000-08:00

I haven't gone back and read much of Caring Bridge. Once and awhile I will go back and read if I need something for a talk or trying to remember something specific. Mostly, it's hard for me to read the words that only happened one year ago. I am thankful that I have those memories written down. Just this morning I couldn't think of what I got the kids last year for Valentine's Day. I figured that life was busy and I probably didn't have time to get them anything. But as I read the Caring Bridge entry from last year, I remembered why. Last year's Valentine's Day was a lot harder on me than this year, which surprises me, because last year Rob was alive. I believe in my heart I must of known it would be our last Valentine's together. This year isn't as hard. I have had a year to understand and to grow. I have learned how to turn all my sorrow and pain over to the Lord. And I am looking forward to a fun night with my family tomorrow! Here's a picture from last Valentine's Day and my Caring Bridge entry.

Today was a bitter-sweet day, in more ways than just candy. Earlier today Rob, Craig, Betsy, Bowmans (Shane, Kerry & Loren) and I got to go to the temple today. This is one of the most sacred places we can go. In the temple you can feel the Spirit of the Lord so strong. I am grateful we were able to attend the temple and for those who also went to the temple by them, to support us. The comfort and peace we felt is priceless.
Yesterday I found myself unable to buy Valentine's stuff for the kids. I can't explain it, but I just didn't have the heart for it. In the past we spent Valentine's Day as a family. The boys would dress up in their Sunday Best (the only time dad let them wear ties before the age of 12) and take the "girls" Ellie & I out to dinner. Ellie and I would each get a dozen roses from the boys. We would then go out to a fancy dinner, with they boys learning how to treat girls! I knew we wouldn't be having our Valentine tradition tonight. Thank goodness so many people listened to the spirit and showered our family with Valentine love today!! We got flowers, cards, gift packages, so many wonderful things, my kids didn't even notice that mom was a little sad. I took the kids to Big Al's tonight, arcade/bowling, and let them get whatever they wanted for dinner. Jake had a pound of steamed clams! They all got special drinks and didn't even have to share! I then let them play all the video games they like, especially the ones we usually don't let them play. We all had a blast! On the way home, I was a little sad that Rob couldn't of been there with us. Robbie asked me what was wrong and I said, aren't you sad that dad couldn't come. Robbie and Jake were both like, yes, but if dad wasn't sick, the twins would of came or we wouldn't have gone to Big Al's at all. My little boys were teaching me a valuable lesson. They were looking at the positive of the situation. They weren't saying it in a snotty way, but were sincere with their answer. I will forever be grateful for that moment. My boys trying to comfort me and helping me understand that there are many blessings I am not seeing. They are such sweet, strong boys, who are taking on more than a boy their age should. I hope everyone felt loved today. Thank you once again, for everyone who reached out to us today. For listening and answering a mother's simple prayer so her children could have a loving day! Love Patti

Storms of Life

2009-02-11T08:17:00.001-08:00

This morning the kids and I were doing our daily scripture reading. We were reading in the Book of Ether. I have noticed that I need to stop more often than not, to see if they understand the topic or story. Today we were reading about the barges being built and traveling across the great water to the promise land. The brother of Jared asked the Lord, what can he do for light while they travel. Now the Lord did not give him the answer, but explained to the brother of Jared, why certain options wouldn't work. In one of the Lord's explanations, He talked about how hard the journey was going to be for them.
"For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.
And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come." (Ether 2:24-25)
As I was explaining this to my kids, my mind was opened and these verses started to mean more to me than before. The Lord gives us the storms and yet He also prepares us against the storms. These storms in life help us to get closer to the promise land or eternal life. I know I was prepared for my storms. I know the Lord gave me many angels to help me. I know He has given me opportunities to grow, so I could handle my storms. Hopefully now, I am teaching my children to trust in the Lord and His will. At times we may feel that we are at the bottom of the ocean and there is no way to come up for air. But I promise, as we put trust in the Lord, we will see the way He had prepared for us against the storms of life.

Notice Anything Strange?

2009-02-05T18:30:00.001-08:00

I am speaking at a Best of EFY later this month. This is the flyer that was sent out for all those participating. Do you notice anything interesting or familiar about my picture? BYU-I had asked that I send a picture of myself for the flyer. Well, I had forgotten about sending a picture and then got an email that I needed to send one ASAP. I have very few pictures of myself and even less of me alone. The only picture I could find was my Sarah Palin picture from Halloween. I sent the picture in an email. This picture happened to be titled Halloween. The guy received the picture and then called saying, "I'm not sure you sent the right picture, I got one titled Halloween." I was like yes, that's the correct picture. So, here I am trying to be taken seriously and yet my picture is of me dressed up at Halloween. I think it's time to get a normal picture taken. Still, this flyer cracks me up!

Heavenly Father's Will

2009-02-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

I remember exactly where I was sitting. I was in Kristen Copeland's living room about four years ago. I was on the couch that backed to the window. I think we were all there for some type of Relief Society Activity. I had seen a BYU Devotional by Janet Lee, the wife of BYU President Rex Lee, and was telling everyone about it. President Lee was the BYU president while I was a student there. He also passed away with cancer during this time as president or released right before he died. We were all sitting around and I was telling them about this talk. In the talk Sister Lee and her sister were talking about what they each thought the hardest trial would be for them. Sister Lee said the hardest trial she could imagine was the death of her husband. Her sister said she couldn't imagine going through a divorce. Both of these trials ended up happening to each of them. Then, all of us sitting around, started discussing what trial we didn't think we could handle. Most people there said a death of child. I am sure you all can imagine what I said; that I could never live without Rob. I honestly never thought this would be the path my life would take. Now, I realize everyday that I am right, without the Lord's help, I couldn't live without Rob. I would be a mess and not functioning very well. All that you see and all that I am, is because of my testimony in the Lord and my trust in Him. I thank Aimee for finding this article for me. Please take a moment to read the article.
http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=7080&x=18&y=1

LUKE!!!!

2009-02-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

I am doing this post more for a record that Luke can look back and realize it's a miracle that he is still alive. There is a very good reason I call Luke, monkey. I have now had to remove the dresser from the monkey's room. Almost everyday I would find Luke sitting on top of the dresser. And this was always after he had emptied out most of the clothes. I am hoping by putting the clothes in his closet, I will kill two birds with one stone. No more climbing and no more clothes all over the floor.
Yesterday there was a baby blessing at church. I couldn't help but think back to the monkey's baby blessing. I don't remember if it was during Luke's or John's, but Rob said, you both were meant to come down here together for a special reason. At the time this was said, I really thought nothing about it. I figured once the monkeys were older, we would see why they came together. NEVER did I think in a million years, they would be here together for me, right now. What's the difference between have one two year and two? Night and day. These monkeys keep me on my toes. They help me get up every morning. I rarely forget they are around. I am always cleaning my home, vacuuming, mopping the floor. One baby would of been simple, two monkeys keep us laughing, guessing, and crying! When they are driving me insane, I have to remind myself of God's wisdom. I can't imagine life without my monkeys. "And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will." Words of Mormon 1:7

Spelling Bee

2009-01-28T06:16:00.000-08:00

For those who know me well, I cannot spell. Not at all. Not in the very least. One of the comments I hate the most in my life is: just sound the word out. REALLY, it's that simple? Why didn't I think of that in the first place. If I could sound the word out, I wouldn't be asking you how to spell it! I remember my mom telling me when I was about 10 years old to use a dictionary to find out how to spell a word. My response was, if I knew how to look it up, than I would know how to spell the word. But of course, I do use a dictionary. I have been using the same one all of my life. It has lost it's cover and even certain words are marked that I frequently(I will spell check that word) go to. I knew I was in trouble when I started asking Robbie how to spell words (about two years ago). I believe spelling comes naturally to some. Robbie's spelling ability came from his father and obviously (another spell check) not me! Jake on the other hand, has been taught to use a dictionary like his mother.

At school right now is the spelling bee for all the grades. I can't tell you how much I disliked spelling bees. I hated always being the first one out. I don't think I have ever made it passed the first round. Robbie came home from school yesterday (Robbie often reminds me he taught me how to spell that word) a little bugged. He won his class spelling bee and now he has to be in the school competition. What could he possibly mad about that? He said only nerds to good in spelling bees. Now while this is true (that what first round outers say) it is still awesome for Robbie. I said, hey if you do good, this might be your only chance to be on ESPN. I know Robbie doesn't like to lose, so sometimes he doesn't want to try so he doesn't lose. I told him to read over the list of words they gave him and the rest is luck, getting the words you know.

If you get a chance watch this video from one of our favorite comics Brian Reagan! That is if I can figure out how to post it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1cYS6aGstU

Saturday Afternoon Movies

2009-01-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

Do I watch a lot of TV? Depends on what you consider a lot. I guess it is like asking, do I drink a lot of soda? You get three chances to answer that question and the last two don't count (yes I did read the December Ensign article). I find on Saturday afternoons I am folding laundry. I like to watch TV while I am folding clothes and since the college football season is over, there is NOTHING on TV. Therefore, I find myself watching You Got Mail or Sleepless in Seattle for the millionth time. Seriously, can't Oxygen put any other movies on during Saturday afternoons? Any who, I mentioned in a previous entry about these movies and always watching them. Today Sleepless In Seattle was on (just after You Got Mail, which I did not watch again). I don't really remember the last time I saw Sleepless. I know it hasn't been since Rob passed away. Mostly I feel that movies don't really depict reality (don't seem so shocked). But there is a line in Sleepless that was perfect. For the one person who has never seen the movie (Melinda Lassen not to name any names) Tom Hanks describes what it is like after losing his wife. I have never hear it put so perfect. I tried to find a video clip, but they were all too long. So here goes my attempt to tell the part in the movie:
The doctor ask do you think there is someone out there you can truly love as much as your wife? He says, it's hard to imagine. She ask, what are you going to do? He says, I'm going to get out of bed every morning, breathe in and out all day long. And after awhile I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed in the morning and breathe in and out. And then after a while I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.

Excitement At the Jazz Game

2009-01-21T14:41:00.000-08:00

First let me say that I know this picture is blurry. But like in typical man fashion, Robbie said, "it looks just fine to me."Last night Robbie, Jake, Rod (my brother-in-law) and I went to the Utah Jazz game . Rod's parents have season ticket and are in Florida, so lucky us! I must say that I came to the realization that I am getting old. It happens so quickly and without your conscious knowledge. These cheerleaders looked like they were in high school. I honestly was thinking, these girls aren't old enough to be cheerleaders! This is when I realize that I am an old single mother of five. When did this happen? OK I know exactly when it happened, but still it just seemed like yesterday I was in high school. It is true that your mind never ages, it just gets wiser (hopefully anyways).

During one of the time outs, the whole Utah Football team came out to be recognized for their great season of being undefeated and yet have nothing to show for it (can we say 1984?). Regardless, I was proud of my Jake, while everyone was standing and clapping for the Utes, Jake was waving his BYU sweatshirt for all to see. That boy cracks me up! I am sure Rob was so proud of his cougar fan! So while everyone is clapping, Rod points out that President Monson is standing up in the box right above us. I say, "boys President Monson is right there!" They turned to look and were so excited! I think President Monson recognized me from the whole rushing the Prophet thing at the Christmas musical (good thing Erin wasn't at the game with me) because he quickly sat down. The rest of the game the boys kept turning around hoping to get another look at the Prophet. I think they were more interested in that than the game! We didn't get another view, but I felt it was great for my boys to see the Prophet likes to go Jazz games just like them! And thanks to Rod for taking us to game!

PS You should of seen Jeni (she and Andy were there also) dancing at the game...I wished I could have recorded it. We probably would of had too much fun dancing, if we sat together.

He Loves Me...

2009-01-19T15:46:00.000-08:00

When I picked this back ground for my blog, I loved the saying on the side He Loves Me. Now to some it may not mean anything or to others it might seem a little sad. But to me the saying seemed to be just right! There are a lot of things I don't know, but one thing I do know is how much Rob loves me. I have never doubted his love for me. I hope everyone can know as well as I know how much their spouse loves them. It doesn't have to be with major gifts (still nice to get) or constant words of affection, but it's the little things we do for one another that show our true love. The things that are done when no one is watching. The tender words of encouragement when we are in our darkest moments. It's the desire to put anothers needs and happiness before our own. Rob did all of these things for me. If anyone wanted to know how to be a wonderful spouse, they just needed to watch Rob and take notes. I think one of the hardest things about him being gone is not having someone always putting my needs before his own. Trust me I do not get that from my children. I miss being someones everything, right now. I know Rob still worries about me and wants to help, but is a little limited. I miss talking to him ten times a day about anything and every thing (any one who was around us during the day knows what I am talking about). The one thought that gets me through the day is knowing that He Loves Me...Forever.

Luke Part Dos

2009-01-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

So I was not sure what to do with Luke climbing out of his crib. I got a lot of great advice from many people. I was talking to Sheri reminded me of what my sister Kathy did with her daughter Ava. She just put the rails down on her crib so Ava could climb in and out safely. So I did that with Luke. This picture is from his first time napping with freedom to roam around his room. Notice all the objects thrown around on the floor. I found Luke asleep half way under Johnjohn's crib. Neither one got a good nap that day! Now that Luke can get in and out, Johnjohn tends to wake up with toys. I am not sure how this really happens, if Johnjohn tells Luke to get him certain toys or if Luke just throws them into Johnjohn's crib. But almost every nap time or morning Johnjohn has toys in his crib. Johnjohn is really into his "cowboy" hat. He watches the Toy Story movies at least once a day. Cowboy mama!

This morning I could hear Johnjohn screaming, my baba (Blanket). I came in to find Luke in Johnjohn's crib with Johnjohn trying to take his baba. I have figured out that Luke likes to climb into bed himself and obviously climb out himself. Naps aren't as long, but at least they are napping and going to bed at night! Always entertaining are my monkeys!

Johnjohn is saying CHEESE!!

I Heart Candy

2009-01-14T08:37:00.001-08:00

This is my candy jar. It is in my entry way for all those who come into my house. During Halloween and Thanksgiving I had it full of candy corn. For one of the most "hated" candies, I was constantly refilling my jar with candy corn. A majority of the candy corn was eaten by the Bushman family alone. Apparently they don't have candy at their house, so would come over just to have some of my candy corn. The Bushman's got a nice treat of old candy corn when we emptied our jar. For Christmas I filled my candy jar with mint M&Ms. It took me 12 bags of M&Ms to fill my jar. Surprisingly, not as many people went for the M&Ms as they did the candy corn. I was kind of happy for that, considering how much the M&Ms cost! After I took all M&Ms out, the kids just figured we give all of our old candy to the Bushmans...so let's just say the Bushmans have a lot of mint M&Ms right now. I did get a text from them asking if I was ever planning on putting quarters in my jar!
So now it is Valentine's day and time to change my candy jar once again! Everyone says they hate candy hearts, but I have already had to fill the top of my jar again! These are one of my favorite candies, when they are fresh. Give them a couple of days and they won't be as good. I trying to think of a way I can put Peeps in my jar for Easter!

LUKE!!!!

2009-01-12T07:12:00.000-08:00

I think we all remember Luke climbing up on Adrienne's roof this last summer. This kid will honestly be the death of me! Luke can now climb out of his crib. Not a big deal for some parents, but for me who loved having an extra minutes while the monkeys played in their crib was priceless. Plus I could always put them down for a nap at exactly 1 o'clock and not worry about them. But now life has changed! If Luke is not tire, than he just climbs out and comes out of his room (yes he can open his door). This of course puts Johnjohn into a fit! But being positive, I am trying to look at the bright side of this...

Luke can wake me up when I sleep in. Sunday morning I was greeted by an Oreo covered face. Yes that meant he was down eating Oreos before coming into my room.
This leads to my next point, Luke gets up better than his older brothers and can get himself breakfast.
I no longer have to pull Luke out of the crib while holding Johnjohn. Johnjohn would always want him to get him first, but would never let me put him down. I would then have to lift Luke out while still holding Johnjohn. I hope my arms are toning up!
I now find myself not going into a deep sleep because I am paranoid Luke is going to climb out in the middle of the night. Deep sleep is over rated.
Luke will let me know if Johnjohn has thrown up (more common lately than not). Mama gross, gross.

I know the monkeys will always keep me on my toes. As hard as it might be a times, I know they are a true blessing in my life!

Jennifer another name for Saint?

2009-01-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

Long story longer...Last night Johnjohn was sick. I had gone to a Relief Society thing and I get this call from Robbie, John has thrown up and Luke won't stay in his crib. Thank goodness I was on my way home. I felt so bad for poor Emily who was baby sitting. I start stripping down Johnjohn and putting him in the shower and can't figure out what is wrong with Luke. I instantly call Adrienne, HELP! She quickly comes over to help settled things down. My washing machine had been acting up and choose this day to completely quit working. Have have stinky clothes and sheets and no way to clean them. Finally, around 11:30 Adrienne heads home, with my laundry. (Just like the old days when Rob and I were first married and Adrienne would come pick our laundry. I am so lucky to have her in my life!) Luke has decided he is not going to bed and whenever I put him in his crib he instantly crawls out. About 12:30 I lock Luke and I in my room and tell him we are going to bed. Story Longer...I haven't taught in aerobics classes since before Rob got sick. It's just something I put on hold with life being crazy. This morning, of course I was subbing a kick-boxing class. Of all the mornings! I could not believe how tired I was. Here's where I get to the name Jennifer. I made a comment on Facebook this morning about sick kids and no washing machine. No sooner do I do that, than my friend Jennifer calls me and says she is at the store, do I need her to pick any thing up and she would be more than happy to do my laundry for me. I had to smile. It reminded me of my best friend Jennifer in Battle Ground. How she is always looking out for me, helping me whenever I needed it. This got me thinking about all the Jennifers I know and how all of them are amazing, seriously. I thought, wow people really have a lot to live up to when they are named Jennifer, especially if they are friends with me!

Romantic Comendies

2009-01-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

I find myself watching You Got Mail for the third or fourth time this week and wonder what pulls me to watch this movie over and over again? It's one you have seen so many times, that it doesn't matter if you get side tracked or interrupted, which happens to me often. My kids even made the comment, didn't you just watch this? On the Today show the other day it talk about a study done about how Romantic Comedies are ruining women's relationships. Really? Did we need a study to tell us that? Who was the person who approved this study? Obviously a man, who never wanted to be dragged to another Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movie again! I do have to admit that it was a Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan movie Rob and I spent our first "date" together. Sleepless in Seattle had just came out on "video" (yes I am dating myself). Rob and I skipped class (just a religion class) bought the movie and went back to my apartment to watch it. We held hands for the first time. I don't need a study to tell me what a wonderful day I had with Rob. For those who know Rob, he would do anything for me, even sit through a romantic comedy with me! Hey look what he got in return!!

Hurricane Epperson Hits Rexburg

2009-01-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

We traveled up to the great cold, windy, white north, not Canada, but Rexburg. We stayed with my brother JD and his family. Imagine a home with 10 kids 12 and under! All of our children get along great and had a fun time playing with one another. We managed to trash their home. I can't imagine the cleaning that is taking place after we left! Luke managed to pull a shelf off the wall, nails and all, poop in the bath and ruin all the bath toys, flood the bathroom (a different day thank goodness), get the entire family sick and leave bits of food everywhere. The older kids went sledding twice and came home with no broken bones. To get out of the house and not freeze to death, the only place to go was McDonalds. This is a picture of Lilly Sue (or Sue Sue as we all call her).

Here's Luke and Gunnar playing.
The adults went to Tasha's parents home to ring in the New Year, while the kids stayed home and had a party of their own. They all managed to stay up till midnight. New Years is so over rated. I had fun at the Leishman's home. I learned some interesting things about Tasha's family and I am amazed that her brothers are still alive today! Tasha got a lot of reading done, because JD actually had someone to watch the Rose bowl with. JD is never surprised with my sporting knowledge. We had a great time on the trip and are thankful for the Griffith's putting up with us!

Christmas

2008-12-27T08:53:00.000-08:00

We really did have a great Christmas. I have been getting asked, "how was YOUR Christmas?" from everyone so I thought I would let everyone know. We discovered that Johnjohn doesn't like to share any toys. The monkeys got all of their gifts together and Johnjohn did not want to share with Luke. Every time Luke would pick up a toy, Johnjohn would run over and grab it and say MINE. Or he would tell Luke to "share". I think Johnjohn understands others sharing with him, he just doesn't understand him sharing with others.

Ellie experience her first Christmas without toys. She wanted a digital camera and that was all she got. Later in the morning she realized adult presents aren't as much fun when there wasn't anything really to play with. Christmas went really well. There honestly wasn't a sad moment all day for us. I think we were sustained by the many prayers of others. I kept waiting for a hard moment, but there honestly wasn't one. I believe my children understand better than most about eternal families and that there dad is always with them. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

THANK YOU DIAMOND!! These were the presents we got from Diamond. The kids love them so much! One person can never have too much BYU stuff. If you don't believe me, just look at all of Rob old clothes.

Christmas Letter

2008-12-24T15:02:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share my Christmas letter with everyone. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Hello Family and Friends,
I am not sure where to start my letter. Last December (right after most people go our Christmas card saying all is well) a week before Christmas Rob was diagnosed with Melanoma Cancer. By the time we found the cancer it was metastasized through his entire body. After 11 short weeks of fighting, Rob passed away on March 6, peacefully surrounded by his entire family. We cannot thank everyone enough who came and helped our family during Rob’s sickness and who is still continuing to help our family now. Our family has been blessed with seeing charity, the pure love of Christ, through the service of others. We miss Rob tremendously, but know we are an eternal family and will be together forever. We celebrate Christmas a little different than Christmas pasts. Now, when we heard songs of the birth of Christ we are comforted with Christ’s spirit. For without the birth of Christ, there would be no resurrection. We cannot wait till the day when we are all reunited together as a family.
We felt it hard but necessary to leave the northwest and move back to Utah. Being closure to family has been extremely helpful. We are back in American Fork, where Rob spent his high school years and all his siblings have grown up. We have always thought of ourselves as “Cavemen” (AF mascot), so how fitting that we actually are living here now. We have been welcomed and love into our new ward. We feel our family is exactly where the Lord wants us.
Robbie turned 12 this year! I can’t believe I have a Young Man now in my home. His biggest accomplishment this year was growing his hair out. We call him Sunshine from the movie Remember the Titans. He played flag football this year and loved it! He has many great friends that live close by to play with. Robbie and Jake are often off having “air soft gun” wars with the neighbor boys. Robbie is such a great help with the twins. He’ll tell me that he believes he loves the twins more than I do!
Jake is Jake, my tender heart boy. He also played flag football this fall. Whereas Robbie was more competitive, Jake actually smiles while he runs! He loved playing and never cared who won or loss. I can always count on Jake to help out around the house. I think Ellie and Robbie are on to that fact, and let Jake do most of the work. Jake misses all his friends in Washington, but is enjoying hanging out with Robbie and the “older boys”.
Ellie is turning eight this year and is going to be baptized right before Christmas. She can hardly wait, and has been counting down since September. Ellie enjoys being the only girl in the family. She loves having his cousins close to play with, but only last about 36 hours and then she needs her alone time. She loves to clean, on her time schedule, but does a great job. For Robbie’s birthday she cleaned his bedroom for him and even cleaned the closest out! Ellie misses having a friend right next door but really has no problem making new friends.
Johnjohn and Luke, or as I like to call them the monkeys are at such a fun age! They are now 2 years old and repeating EVERYTHING we say. Johnjohn’s favorite word is “stop it”. He is always yelling it at one of us. The kids love to tease him and have him yell stop it. I do not find this as fun! You can also hear him calling out for Whuke at times. Luke is just as happy and go lucky as ever. Nothing really bothers him. He doesn’t talk as much as Johnjohn, but Luke is much more physical. He loves jumping on the trampoline, his bed or anywhere. We were in church giving the monkeys Starburst to keep them quiet. Johnjohn likes to unwrap all of his candy first, then hold the candy in his hand and slowly eat them one by one. Luke on the other hand, unwraps and sticks them in his month as fast as he can unwrap. Luke had eaten all his candy, looks over at Johnjohn, and sees the candy in his hand. Luke quickly grabs the candy and shoves it in his mouth. Johnjohn starts screaming and Luke is smiling. This is just one example of life with twins and how enjoyable sacrament meeting is for our family.
My life has probably changed the most. Opportunities have come up for me to speak on overcoming trials and relying on the Lord. The highlight of this year was speaking at Mother’s Weekend at BYU-I. I love sharing my testimony with others and hope other’s can grow from our experience. I am speaking at a Best of EFY in February and also to various wards in the area. I am slowly working on a book, with most of it coming from my journal entries in Caringbridge. I am also learning how to “blog” and trying to keep everyone updated on our family blog: nwepps.blogspot.com.
Even with a difficult year, we’ve experience too many blessings not to find joy. We find peace in the Lord, Jesus Christ and know everyone can experience that same peace through Him. We love and thank everyone for their support and hope everyone can feel the Savior’s love at this time of year and always!

Nutcracker

2008-12-23T21:30:00.000-08:00

Rob's family has a family tradition of going to the Nutcracker every year. Even a few of his cousins have danced for Ballet West in the Nutcracker. When I joined the family, it became Girl's Night Out. As the granddaughters have gotten older, they get to join us with this family tradition. While I was in Washington for Christmas, I would still follow this tradition, but with my friends. Christmas just isn't Christmas without going to the Nutcracker.

This was Kate's first time going to the Nutcracker. Kate has seen the Barbie Nutcracker about a million times. She kept turning to Erin and saying, in the real Nutcracker this happens. Erin would tell her, THIS is the real Nutcracker.

This is Ellie and her Aunt Caren. Ellie and Caren have a very close relationship. Caren is out here visiting from the DC area. When Caren would come visit us in Washington, we were the only people for her to see, Ellie would get Caren all to herself. While in Salt Lake, Caren has lots of family and friends to see and Ellie does not like sharing Caren. They are going to get a couple of sleepovers together.

Christmas Sunday

2008-12-21T15:36:00.000-08:00

I tried to get a good picture of all the children in their Christmas clothes for church. Robbie is wearing one of Rob's ties that I had given Rob to wear on a Christmas Sunday a few years ago. Today was Robbie's first day of passing the sacrament. Grandma Adrienne, Aunt Caren and Aunt Erin came to watch. I think he was a little nervous, but you would of never known. He did a great job. The monkeys kept yelling, Robbie, and waving!

Ellie's Baptism and Robbie's Confernation

2008-12-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

Ellie and her cousin Izzy were both baptized on Saturday by Andy (Izzy's dad). Ellie was able to wear the same baptism dress that I wore when I was baptized. The event was wonderful! I spoke on baptism and Jeni spoke on the Holy Ghost. Annie sang When I am Baptised for the girls. Many of our family and friends were able to attend and celebrate this special day with us. I know Rob was there with us. While Adrienne gave the opening prayer, I could feel Rob say in my mind and heart, don't be sad, this is a wonderful day. He was happy and wanted us all to be happy also. I could feel him so strong, that it was hard for me to gain my composure to give my talk. I was filled with joy and an outpouring of love from Rob.

Ellie had asked my dad to confirm her a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He also gave her the gift of the Holy Ghost. I was so thankful the weather was good for those who traveled. I was happy that Dee Dee flight was cancelled, both Ellie and Robbie loved having her there.

Yes, Robbie did get his hair cut. AJ ordained Robbie to the priesthood (I think that is how you say it). AJ was given the priesthood from Rob, so it was fitting that AJ could give it to Robbie. This to me was the most emotional part. I was in awe, as all of these wonderful priesthood holders surrounded Robbie. Robbie now gets to wear a tie to church. It's a family tradition that you don't wear a tie till you turn 12 and get the priesthood. AJ and Andy took Robbie shopping for his first ties. I actually know how to tie a tie, but it still takes us a couple of times to do it well!

We had a celebration at our home afterwards for Ellie, Izzy and Robbie. I thought it would be fun to have cotton candy for all the kids (and adults). We always had a standard joke in our family about cotton candy. Rob hated it! Anytime we were somewhere where they sold it, there would be a fight because I would want to buy it and he didn't want me to. So when daddy would break down and get some cotton candy, my kids knew it was a special day. I can't think of a more special day than this one.

I had to put this picture of Grandma Sheri with Johnjohn. Johnjohn rarely does this for anyone. He ran up and asked Sheri, where's doggie (meaning Grace their dog)? Sheri has been an amazing help to our family. We figured that we have seen her every month this year and we don't even live in the same state! She has put my family first this year and you can tell by how much we love and appreciate her with Johnjohn's hug!

Watch Out for These Girls...

2008-12-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

First let me say, sorry for the quality of the picture. I forgot my camera and only had my phone. What did we do before camera phones? This is Erin and I last night at the Ring Christmas Bells, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Christmas program. We went with Andy, Jeni, Adrienne and Cathy. Our seats were in bottom far corner, where all the VIP's come into the Conference Center. So the place is filling up and we look over and see President Monson coming through the door. Erin said we walked over by the ropes to see him, but I think it was more like ran. We were hoping to shake his hand as he walked by. The security guard was not too thrilled with two people, rushing towards the Prophet. He jumped right in front of us and stood face to face with us. Seriously, do Erin and I look like dangerous people? Andy thinks so, but still, we were just so excited to be so close to the Prophet! Granted he couldn't see us because of the body guard (right in front of us), but it was still exciting. When President Monson entered the room, the room went completely silent and everyone rose to their feet. Instantly, 21,000 people were quiet. It was an amazing experience. The show was great! I loved seeing and hearing the Choir in person sing Hallelujah from the Messiah. That is one of mine and Rob's favorite Christmas songs! The entire program was beautiful!

The Best Company in the World

2008-12-12T15:29:00.000-08:00

Rob worked for Diamond Wireless. I cannot say enough about how wonderful this company has been to our family. They have already done so much for us while Rob was sick and just after he passed away. They tell me they can never repay us for all he did for them. I have always felt they have gone beyond what any company could do. Today, Jackson Cannon and Jeff Nielson showed up at my house with arms full of gifts for us. They funny thing was these two boys are die hard Utah fans and they had all these BYU gifts. Jackson said there might be some barf on some of the gifts, because it made him so sick to be in the bookstore. (FYI Jackson graduated from BYU) He said that he almost lost it when the BYU fight song started playing over the speakers...Rise and shout! It meant a lot to me that Diamond would go out of there way to make sure we had a good Christmas. This is the week Rob got sick last year. The 14th has been hanging over my head. The generosity and love of others for us has been amazing. I thank everyone for their prayers this week and always. I can be strong because of the support and love of others. Thank you to Diamond Wireless and to all who continue to pray for our family!

Caroling

2008-12-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

Tonight our family was greeted with carolers. We had Sunday dinner at our home in celebration of Robbie's birthday. Robbie picked the menu, flank steak and twice baked potatoes. I surprised him with crab legs, which he was nice enough to share with us. All the family was sitting around talking when one of the kids yelled, Mom we have carolers! I know it's fun to have people come to your home and carol, but tonight it was exactly what our family needed. I expected to see one of my friends and their family to be standing there with treats, singing. When I looked out the door, there were several families there, too many to count. I looked around trying to see faces I knew from the ward and I couldn't place any faces (not a big surprise if I didn't recognize someone from the ward). While these wonderful people sang, I could feel their love for us. All these people took time to come to our home and help us feel the spirit of Christmas. When they were done, they gave us a huge basket filled with movies, treats, toys, a ginger bread house kit and supplies for sugar cookies! I was so amazed by their kindness and love. It was honestly something truly special for our family!

Our Tree Sold!!!

2008-12-06T11:02:00.000-08:00

For Robbie's birthday we went out to dinner and to the Festival of Trees. I had to put this picture up of Robbie, because first he is so cute! And second soon his hair won't be so long. He'll still have that long "look" but honestly it's longer than mine!

We found out that our tree sold for $850! They had actually started the bidding at $5oo. We were very happy that it sold. Our biggest fear was getting there and not having our tree bought. We were happy to help raise money for the Children's Hospital.

This is a great picture of Rob's mom and siblings; Jimmy, Andy, Adrienne, AJ and Erin. I don't know why Andy looks so unhappy. It was a little emotional seeing Rob's tree and all the other trees dedicated to others. It's a wonderful way to start the Christmas season!

My baby is 12!

2008-12-04T08:54:00.001-08:00

I can't believe I have a 12 year old! I remember taking a giant leap of faith when we chose to have Robbie while still in school. We had felt it was important not to put off starting our family. I remember trying to figure out my class schedule for school and baby sitters for Robbie. And yet, those years of being poor college students with a child are some of our best memories. I am so thankful to Erin and Tiffany for watching Robbie all the time while I was in classes. I could of never graduated without their help. I never regretted starting my family early. Right after Rob passed away, I was even more grateful for having my children as soon as I did. All my kids had more time with their dad!

Robbie was the first Grandchild and Great Grandchild on Rob's side of the family. We would all sit around in a circle and just watch him! He had more attention than any one child should ever have! I can't believe how much Johnjohn looks like Robbie.

Robbie is going to kill me for putting these photos on! Him and Jake love my big bath tub and taking bubble baths. They don't take their baths together, but I had Jake jump in so I could get these pictures.

Robbie was trying to look like a model in this photo. He really is a great son! He helps me all the time. He has a lot on his shoulders and he is standing up to the challenge. I am honored to have him as my son. Happy Birthday Cakes!

A quick story about Robbie. The other night I got McDonald's for the kids. I get home and Robbie doesn't have any Honey Mustard for his chicken nuggets. He asked if I would go back and get him some sauce? Now most mothers would say no, but I am a person who made Rob go back to places on many occasions to get something that was forgotten. I understood where Robbie was coming from. I went all the way back to McDs and got the honey mustard. Robbie starts to eat and the twins want someone to play the Wii. Jake wanted to eat, so Robbie went to entertain them for a little while. He comes back to the nuggets and Luke had dumped water all over his food. I was like are you kidding me? I spent so much time getting that food and now it's ruin? About two minutes later, Robbie came over and gave me $20. He said, he's the money for the food I didn't eat. I said Robbie don't worry about it, it was an accident. I am not mad at you. I just couldn't believe after all that driving, you didn't even get to eat your nuggets. We had a good laugh. He really is a great kid!

Festival of Trees

2008-12-02T09:32:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, Adrienne, Jeni and I got the privilege of decorating a tree for the Festival of Trees in honor of Rob. Erin was actually the mastermind behind this and did all the ground work for us. We missed having her there helping us, but know she needs to be on bed rest! I was shocked with how emotional it was to decorate our tree. We had asked the kids how we should decorate it, and they said daddy loved Christmas, so decorate it like Christmas. We found out a week before Christmas last year that Rob had cancer. So I think I will always associate Christmas with the biggest change in our lives. This was a great way for us to do something wonderful for Rob and the Children's Hospital.

Our cousin Mandy and Aunt Betsy made the tree skirt. You really need to see the tree in person!

Aunt Cathy watched the twins for us while we were there. She brought them to see the tree. Not the best place for the monkeys to run around.

Here is what we put on the tree...I thank everyone who donated time and money for Rob's tree. We could not have done it with every one's help!

Many Thanks

2008-11-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful time at my parent's house up in McCall, ID. I did get to eat the famous "Griffith" stuffing. Thanksgiving is not Thanksgiving without my dad's stuffing. This is a picture of Johnjohn and my niece Ava. Ava did a wonderful job of sharing her toys with the monkeys.

At one point we couldn't find all the little ones. They were all down in my dad's office and Luke was entertaining them by playing the drums. He did a pretty great job!

My sister Kathy is a wonderful aunt. She brought over crafts for her and Ellie to do. They made turkey place settings for everyone.

Yes, Robbie did get to sit at the "adult" table this year. He wasn't as happy about it as one would think, because Jake and Ellie got to sit with us all also (Josh and Liz were in Logan). Robbie actually woke up sick the morning of Thanksgiving, throwing up and all. After a good long nap, he felt better and we allowed him to come join the family. He was not going to miss out on his first Thanksgiving as an "adult". Thank goodness no one else got sick!

Kids Table

2008-11-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

Almost every year (weather pending) we go to my parents house for Thanksgiving. My kids love sitting at the "children's table" as you can tell from the picture above. This morning I was telling the kids, tomorrow we leave for Grandma and Grandpa's house! Now for those who take things way too seriously, you may not want to continue the story. Our family is continuing laughing and making light of certain situations. So no lie this morning when I told the kids we were leading to the Grandparents, Robbie said, "Yes, I finally get to sit at the adult table!" I started laughing so hard. Robbie was dead serious. He looked at me and said, "there's room for me now, right?" I don't know why this strikes me as so funny, but Robbie was looking at the positive side of things. He knew that there was an opening at the adult table and he was going to "call it" before anyone else did. At times like this, meaning the Holidays, we are going need to make sure to have fun and look at all of our blessings in our lives. Yes Robbie, you do get to sit at the adult table this year!

I heart Edward...and Rob

2008-11-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

Last night, Annie, Jeni, Sarah, me, Erin and Cathy all went to the midnight movie of Twilight. You would think Christmas had come early! The hardest part was having to stay up that late, considering I go to bed about 9:30. The movie was fun and entertaining. Not the best movie in the world, but hey if you're a Twilight fan you should be able to enjoy the movie. It was great having all us moms (except Sarah) drool over Edward. Besides being totally controlling and a little creepy (sneaking into Bella's room to watch her sleep), Edward is almost the perfect man/ vampire. I couldn't help but think about my Edward moments with Rob. Rob spoiled me rotten, watched me sleep (when I would go to bed sooo early), and took care of my every need. I had found an old post from our Cannon Family Website talking about the similarities of Rob and Edward. It was title "Rob's Edward Moment". Interesting enough the post was made November 11, 2007. Here is what I wrote and then what Rob responded with....

In our soccer game Saturday night, a girl and I were up against the wall. We got tangled up and she fell to the grown. Now I have been known to push, ect...but honestly I didn't mean to hurt her. She jumped up at yelled "she through me down." Her husband (I did not know who he was at the time) got in my face and started yelling at me. All of the sudden Rob came from no where and got right between the guy and me. Rob had actually came from off the bench, which you are not allowed to do in any sport. He got tossed from the game for leaving the bench and the other guy and I both got blue cards. I felt so horrible! And it was actually really scary! My friend who was watching the game came up to me after the game and said that was an Edward moment. I didn't understand what she meant at first. Then she explained, the way Rob ran over to protect me, was one of the most romantic thing she had ever seen! She wanted to stand up and start clapping. What I did was really stupid, but it made me realize that I do have my own Edward!!

Rob's response...
FIRST AND FOREMOST, I HATE EDWARD. I would have let the Soccer guy pummel Patti if I had known it meant being compared to a fantasy Vampire/Werewolf guy named Edward.

Soccer Mom

2008-11-20T06:22:00.000-08:00

These are my new awesome white soccer shoes. Rob said I needed to be a really great player if I wanted to wear white shoes. I am by no means a great player, or even good, buts it's all about the outfit! Rob and I played "highly competitive" coed soccer together for almost two years. For those of you who don't know Rob, for him to play any coed sport was amazing, but we had some good friends (Ross's) who swore by it. Rob figured if Josh would play coed soccer than he could play it too. It as great every Saturday night we would have a set date night together on the field. Soon our ward put a team together and every game was a blast, unless there were fights (no never). When Rob got sick, I still continued to play. Our team dedicated one of their sessions to Rob and our team name became Robstrong. I remember leaving the hospital in my soccer clothes and going to games. One would think it would have been hard to play without Rob and at first it was for me. But then, as I played, for one hour I could forget all that was going on in my life. As I stepped onto the field I would just run and play and feel like my life was normal for a few brief moments. As silly as it sounds, Rob and I will always have soccer. I continued to play with my ward until I moved to Utah. With some help from my family, we have put together another Robstrong team here. Now, Andy, Jeni, Rod, Jimmy, Linzi and I play together. Our first game was on Saturday and it felt wonderful to be out on the field again. I know Rob is saying to Andy,I told you it's a lot of fun and it looks a lot harder than you thought! I will always miss my team back in Washington. We have some great memories!

More than a Pie Made By ME!!

2008-11-13T20:50:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of the first and only pie I have ever made. It's a coconut cream pie. Rob and I would always get coconut cream pie to eat when we went to the Temple (and Chili's). The reason I put this pie up was not to show off my mad baking skills (ha ha), but because we made these pies as an Enrichment Activity. This was the first time I felt comfortable with all the sister's in my ward. I knew people's names and their personalities. Better yet, they are getting to know me and my lack of quietness, I guess. I had such a great time, learning how to make a pie from total scratch (I know Sheri will be so proud of me). The the best part of the night was being around such wonderful people and feeling loved and known. I know there are people out there who can't stand Enrichment activities, but for me, these activities have helped me make friends and not be so lonely. Thank you to all who are welcoming into your lives and friendships. You have no idea how much it means to me!

The Sevens Tag

2008-11-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

I got this email actually from my dad. I did see on Tiffany's blog that she had people do their seven in the comments, so if you'll like it would be fun to read. It's a great way to see another side of me!

Patti's list of “THE SEVENs TAG”
Seven t.v. shows I watch...
1-The Herd -I get to listen to this in the car and it's on ESPN-U which means I never miss a minute!
2-30 Rock-one of most under-rated sitcoms out there
3-The Office-classic
4-Pushing Daises-The other most under-rated shows. It's on Wednesday's night, everyone should watch it!
5-Chuck-Thank you JD for getting me hooked on this
6-Seinfeld-I can never get enough of them!
7-BYU/BYU-I Devotionals-I know it may seem nerdy to some, but I learn so much from them.

Seven things I did yesterday...(Monday)
1-Worked out-Did lots of lunges. I am not as sore as last week:)
2-Laundry, Laundry, Laundry- I try not to do any on the weekends, which makes for a busy Monday and usually the boys in dirty jeans!
3-Nap-It wasn't as long as I wanted it because the kids got home from their "short" day at school. They scared the crap out of me! It was a deep nap in the sheets and all.
4-Read-I started to read the Hour Game, which turns out to be a serial murder mystery. I wish I could put it down, but now I want to know who the killer is. I could not go to sleep last night, scary!
5-Family Home Evening-We waited till the monkeys went to bed. I quizzed the kids this morning and the remembered most of the lesson (with hints).
6-Steam cleaned the family room carpet-Does anyone know how to get red Gatorade out of carpet? My efforts were in vain.
7-Watched the end of MNF (Monday Night Football)-Honestly I could call plays better than the 49ers.

Seven things I am looking forward to...
1-Resurrection-Can't wait to see Rob healthy.
2-Nap-This is one thing I can't give up. PS don't call me between 2-4
3-Twilight Movie-We are all going to the midnight movie!!!!!!!!
4-Better economy-I accidentally opened up my statement and saw how much money I lost.
5-Co-ed soccer game-we finally are starting up a team here! Our first game is Saturday
6-My book to be finished-it's a slow long process.
7-Ellie's Baptism-I will get to see a lot of my family

Seven things on my wish list...
1-To speak at Women's Conference
2-My kids to not fight
3-Second Coming to happen NOW
4-My basement finished
5-No snow this year, but on Christmas morning
6-A fountain drink machine in my home
7-My kids to understand and love the gospel

Seven favorite foods
1-Pepsi-I know it's not a food, but I have had a 32 oz drink for many of meals
2-Cafe Rio-One would think I was sick of it, but surprisingly I'm not
3-A Good Steak-It can be at home or in a nice restaurant
4-Crab-need I say anything more?
5-Thanksgiving dinner-I know I'm bratty but only made by one of my family members. It's all about the stuffing!
6-Pei Wei/PF Changs-honey crispy shrimp, Mongolian beef, and lettuce wraps
7-Tortilla soup from Fred Meyers-Hey I found out here the Smith's carries the same brand, YEA!

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed....

2008-11-10T07:11:00.001-08:00

Almost every morning I can hear jumping coming from the Monkey's room. They jump and jump in their crib to let me know they are awake. At least once a week, I will come in to find the Monkeys have taken off all of their clothes, including their onesies and diapers. Luckily this day Luke had yet to get his diaper off, but I was not as lucky with Johnjohn. Trust me, I am happy that they aren't climbing out of their cribs yet. I am also happy that these diapers are just "wet" ones!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, NOT!

2008-11-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was our first real snow storm. The first thing my kids said when they woke up and saw the snow was, "is school cancelled?" Now if we were back in Washington, school would have been cancelled the night before because it "might" snow tomorrow. If you don't believe me, remember the year we didn't get out of school till the end of June because of "snow" days. But here in Utah three inches is not a big deal. The monkeys were all excited to see "noow" outside. I informed them that snow is to be looked at and not touched! I am not sure how I am going to survive winters with snow. I do not like it one bit!! It is pretty in the mountains and on Christmas morning, but it is not fun to drive in or cleaning up all the wet spots tracked into my house. I was/still hoping it would be an easy winter with little snow. I guess I should have made myself more clear to Heavenly Father when I agreed to move here, snow in mountains only! We will see how long I can hold the monkeys off from playing in it. I know I am not a nice mother!

Halloween 2008

2008-11-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

Chief Pucca Shells.

He would not let go of the pumpkin.
Johnjohn loved trick or treating!
He would run to all the houses,
well as fast as he could run.
He liked going to the houses, when we went
to the trunk or treat, he did not like it at all.

Trying to get all these kids to sit
still for a picture is impossible!

Johnjohn (cowboy), Ellie (Cavewoman),
Luke (indian),
Meg (witch), Kate (tinkerbell)

Erin had a great time putting the makeup on the kids.

Robbie looks a little too good!

Scary, as Johnjohn would say.

Brotherly Love

2008-10-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken December 1994. There's Rob, me, JD and Tasha. The funny thing is when this picture was taken none of us were even engaged yet! Who knew 14 years later there would be 10 kids between us and many more wonderful memories. JD got to stay at our house last night, he was in town for a meeting at BYU. We stayed up till midnight talking about everything. He had been there for me in so many ways through out my life. JD has in many ways made me the person I am today. Following in his footsteps hasn't always been easy. I see this as a blessings, because I tried my hardest to be like him. I know in some areas I will always fall short. Lately, he has believed in me and helped me accomplish some of my dreams! I am so thankful to have such a wonderful family, I would truly be loss without them.

Halloween 2000

2008-10-27T13:09:00.001-07:00

I have been going through olds photos and scanning them onto my computer. I found another Past Halloween Picture. You cannot tell by the photo but I am 7 months pregnant with Ellie!

Halloween Party 2008

2008-10-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

Me dressed up as Sarah Palin.
The kids and their pumpkins.
Clockwise: Robbie, Johnjohn, Luke, Jake
Boston Ross, Kennedy Ross, and Ellie.

Officer AJ
There really isn't any more
that can be said...
I think this is his LDSingle picture.

2008-10-26T19:38:00.000-07:00

Every year we have a big Halloween Party. All the kids dress up and some of the adults. It's a great tradition, and one Rob and I did in Washington. Here are all of the cousins. What a great family!

Jimmy and Lindzi

Nutcracker and Sugar Plum Fairy

Hot Rod or Super Rod

Chief Pucca Shells

Andy loves to dress up!

Halloween 2007

2008-10-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

I just started this blog and was practicing with pictures. This is a picture from last Halloween. Who would of thought a year later we would be in Utah. This year Luke and Johnjohn are going to be a cowboy and indian for Halloween. Robbie, Jake and Ellie still haven't decided what they want to be for Halloween. I am thinking of being Sarah Pailin, mostly to scare my parents!!