A California Adventure

Sunday Will Come

On March 6, 2007 my husband, Rob Epperson passed away. We knew the day before that it would be sometime soon, but as for the time, it was any one's guess. I will always remember the night of the 5th of March with tenderness. Most of Rob's closest friends were able to come by and say their good byes. I can't really remember how many of us were in the tiny blue room surrounding Rob. We told stories, laughed, and I saw all these strong men break down and cry as they said good bye to a close friend. After they left, all of Rob's family arrived, not at all prepared for what they would see. Their strong, loud, larger than life brother/son, laying frail and weak in bed. They too now surrounded the bed with tears and stories. The question came to all of their minds, how could this happen? how could Rob of all people leave us? We can't go on with out him? he's the life of the party, the oldest brother who lead us through the hard times. We can't imagine life without him. As we all tried to come to an understanding, we learned to find comfort in prayer and turning to the Savior. Having faith that even though we don't know the answers, that we still trusted in the Lord. I stayed by Rob's side all night. Not wanting to sleep, because I didn't want to miss any of my last moments with him. I just remember praying all night that the Lord would release Rob's spirit from his body. I wanted Rob to be free from all his pain and discomfort. Finally the time come. Dr. Liss had told us what to watch for right before he died, so we knew when it was coming. Everyone was gathered into the small blue room. We all watched Rob take his last breaths and leave this mortal world. The next week was kind of a blur to me. I remember having moments, thinking, this can't be my life. There is no way I am picking out a coffin and flowers for my husband. It was almost best to not think at all, because I could not comprehend reality. During this most difficult time I turned to the scriptures. There I found a comfort and peace that could not be found any where else. I on the day of the first funeral, I was reading in Alma 31 and came across this verse,"O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me." How fitting were those words to my soul! The scriptures are the one place where anyone can find peace and understanding, no matter their situation.

I have told this story so many times when I am speaking, that I feel as if everyone has heard it. But then I realize very few people I know have actually heard me speak, so I thought I would share it with you all....

Rob was buried on a Friday. Sunday morning Jake, who was only 8 years old at the time, walked into my room and asked where's Daddy? I was confused by this question and asked what do you mean? And Jake said, it's been three days, Jesus was resurrected in three days and it's been three days, so where is Daddy? My heart ache for my Jake. I explained to him that yes Daddy will be resurrected, but not for awhile. The faith and knowledge of my little boy was far beyond his own years. I came across a wonderful talk by Elder Wirthlin the October 2006 General Conference (http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-646-11,00.html) called Sunday Will Come. Elder Wirthlin said, " Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." I know this to be true. I know no matter hard our lives may seem at a certain time, Sunday will come. I have seen this in my life and I have seen it in other's lives as well. As we trust in the Lord, keep His commandments and turn to the scriptures, we will be blessed. Most likely we won't be blessed in the way we would like. But He blesses us far better than we ever could imagine.

One speaking out of the dust

Two years ago this morning, Rob couldn't be woken up. I had to make one of the hardest calls of my life to his family and tell them to jump on a plane and come say good bye to their son and brother. At times this seems like another life and at other times it seems just like yesterday. Last night I went through and read some of Caring Bridge. I started from the beginning and read till 3am. I didn't even get pass the April journal entries. I read Andy's talk from the funeral, which brought both laughs and tears. I was amaze by my strength. As I read those entries, I knew what I wrote was from the Lord, not from me. The Lord was my constant companion during those days. I was only being an instrument for the Lord, sharing my testimony of Christ and His ability to bless and comfort. The Lord was showing us, how if we turn to Him during difficult times, He will strengthen us far beyond we could ever imagine. I love the scripture found in Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for i will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."




A couple of weeks ago I found this card in some of Ellie's stuff. Those who know Ellie, know what a pack rat she is and is always keeping silly things. I just about died when I opened the card and read it. It was if Rob was speaking to me today...

Welcome to Miami

Steve had a conference he needed to attend in Miami and since I have the best babysitter in the world (yes Jessica!!) I was able to join him there! Until this trip we had only spent 4 nights alone with one another. We had such a wonderful time together. Honestly, I can't think of any thing better than, shopping, laying out by the pool reading, and spending time with Steve (not necessarily in that order). Yes, I did get sun burned! I was laying by the pool reading and Steve came up during his lunch break to see me. He asked me, don't you need some suntan lotion? I was like, no I never burn! Well as the night went on, my skin kept getting darker and redder! To give credit, he never did say I told you so!

We finally made it down to south beach on Friday night. It was a little cold (high 60s) but still a lot warmer than the snow I left back in Utah!

My cousin Emilee, who lives in New York, just happened to be in Miami that weekend for her birthday. We met up at the famous Joe's Stone Crabs. We had a great time talking and celebrating her birthday! I truly feel so blessed! Even though it was hard leaving Steve in Houston, I know it is just for a short time before we will be together again. I am just so happy and can't believe my life is this wonderful! (sorry about being so cheesy, I just can't help it)

The Principle of Compensation

I love the Principle of Compensation. I've talked about it a lot in talks and my Christmas letter, but now I feel the need to talk about it more. In October 2008 General Conference, Elder Wirthlin gave a wonder talk titled, Come What May, and Love it. In this talk he mentioned the Principle of Compensation which is: The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. Elder Wirthlin goes on to say, "that which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

When I first started speaking only 7 months after Rob passed away, I knew that all would turn out well. I knew the Lord was watching over my family and this was part of the Lord's plan in our lives. I could see the many blessings we had in our lives and I had a strong faith that everything was going to be fine. As more time continued on, I knew the Lord was still blessing us, but not in the way I had imagined. As I continued to speak and share my testimony, I would testify that all would turn out right, but I was getting a little frustrated that I could not see the Lord's plan for me. I kept thinking back to the Principle of Compensation and I trusted in an Apostle of the Lord that this would be true for me too! I also knew too well that the faithful are blessed, but not always how we imagine or in the way we want. It is understanding that the Lord knows better than we do in life!

I came across a quote from Elder M. Russell Ballard, "through faith we can find peace, comfort, and the courage to endure. As we trust in God and his plan for our happiness with all our hearts and lean not unto our understanding, hope is born. Hope grows out of faith and gives meaning and purpose to all we do. It can give us comfort in the face of adversity, strength in times of trial, and peace when we have reason for doubt or anguish."

This quote explained exactly what I was doing. Trusting in Heavenly Father's plan for me. Having the hope that all would turn out wonderful. And I am here to testify that all has turned out wonderful. Not how I had imagined, but still more wonderful than I ever expected! Having Steve, Hannah and Max come into my life has been a tremendous blessing. I believed I could have joy again, but really experiencing it, is another story. It is truly wonderful! I am so glad that my faith turned into hope. I am glad I trusted in the Lord, instead of doubting His plan for me. We will all have times in our lives where we wonder if the Lord is answering our prayers, if He is listening to us. We will even have times where we have felt our prayers were not answered. Please know, He is there. Continue to have faith, continue to pray and read the scriptures and you will be blessed for your obedience.

Wedding Pictures

I know it's been FOREVER since I have posted anything and since I am avoiding cleaning my home I thought I should post some wedding pictures. I really did put our wedding together in two weeks! We wanted it very simple. We let our kids plan as much of it as they wanted. They really wanted to dance down the aisle. Our wedding was for our kids and we all had a great time!

What are you doing New Years? I'm getting married!

OK, OK, OK... I know I haven't posted FOREVER and now I am posting this! But obviously I've been way too busy to blog! I have no idea where to start, so I'll at the beginning...

This summer was kind of a hard summer. Hard in the since that I got off track. I was dating someone that I knew wasn't going to work, but yet I was trying to make it work. It's funny, but you know from the start if it's gong to work out or not. I needed to get my life back on track and I was disappointed in myself for losing focus. I was getting ready to start teaching institute, so I turned all my free time over to scripture study and my kids. I started seeing my counselor again (the one I saw after Rob's death) to make sure I was making wise choices. She is an unbias person I could talk to and someone to help me work through dating (yes I needed someone to help me so I didn't make the same mistake again). My friend Stephanie talked me into going online to a LDS dating site, just for the fun. She had met her husband online and gave me great advice. YES, I know I made fun of many people for going online...so I am sorry! I went on many first dates and went through a lot of emails. I had come to the conclusion of two things. First, men lie about how tall they are online. I am 5'5, so how is it with heels I am taller than someone who is "5'10"? And second, I honestly thought there were no strong single LDS men out there. I am talking, guys who won't watch a rated R movie or go to the store on Sunday. I was beginning to believe I was going to have to lower my standards.

So, I get a flirt from some guy in Texas. Usually I don't even look at people who send flirts, but something about him caught my attention. Plus he was in Texas! We started emailing...So he tells me his work brings him out to Salt Lake and that he would be in town if we would like to go to lunch. It's funny, looking back now, I didn't even want to go to lunch. I was so sick of first dates and the awkwardness in meeting someone in person for the first time. AND he wanted to go to Olive Garden of all the places! (Sorry if you love Olive Garden, but it's honestly one of my least favorite places to eat) To make a long story longer... our lunch lasted three hours! The only reason why it ended, was he had to catch a flight back to Houston. Now the long phone conversations start! I love my sleep so I am guessing I must really like this guy to stay up late talking to him on the phone. I realized with him I didn't have to lower any of my expectations. He loves the gospel as much as I do and is truly devoted to it! He came back two weeks later, and we were able to go out a couple times. That's how we started dating, when he was able to come out to Salt Lake. (BTW he works for Huntsman and has an office up in Salt Lake) I was heading to Portland to speak and did not know he was planning on surprising me there. He emailed Jennifer to make sure he wasn't imposing on her and mine's time. I think she was excited to meet him and agreed. During this time, I was still meeting with the counselor, making sure I was taking this slow...

When I was in Portland speaking; Steve, Jennifer and I had about 5 hours in the car to talk. I knew this would make or break it. If he drove me nuts, than it would be over. (Yes I was driving the whole time. If he had been driving...this story would have ended differently!) On that trip, I just knew. I knew he was the one. Jennifer also knew. Her and I talked about it and it was a special moment for the both of us. I didn't want to go back to my counselor and tell her I had fallen head over heals for someone. I was trying to take it slow, but I could just feel Heavenly Father's hand in my life slowly (actually quickly) showing me the way.

Now that we both knew it was right, it was time to meet all the families. I was able to fly down to Houston for Steve's birthday and meet his parents (who were visiting from Boise where Steve grew up) and his two kids, Hannah 11 and Max 7. Steve then got to meet all my family over Thanksgiving and then the Epperson's the following week. I got to meet 4 of his 6 siblings over the Thanksgiving weekend here in Salt Lake. I can say all of my family (my family includes all the Eppersons too!) was very impressed with him. I mean, he has to be a great guy to want to marry someone with 5 children! Let's fast forward to dinner on December 7th. Steve was heading back to Houston the next morning and we started joking about getting married on New Year's Eve (come on who wouldn't want the tax write offs?) We had joked about this forever, but never really thought much about it. The more we talked about it, the more the idea appealed to us both! We made a few calls, talked with our Bishops (who both agreed sooner is much better than later) and finally on Monday 14th we had the green light. So basically I have thrown together a wedding in a very short time. We will be living apart till school is out, but the weekend visits will be much more fun!

I can't explain how I can love another person besides Rob. I know it's hard for other's to understand and I hope no one has to go through what I have to learn it is able to love again. I also didn't think there would be someone out there that could love me so much! Like I put in my Christmas letter; in the Oct 2008 General Conference, Elder Wirthlin talked about the Principle of Compensation. He said, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." I remember hearing this statement and knew it had to be true, but I couldn't see how in my life. I am now seeing the full filling of this statement and can testify to the truthfulness. I am thankful for many people who have prayed for me. I know it won't be easy, but that with the Lord's help we can do all things!