Dates

Yes, I am coming up on a big "date" this week. Those close to me, know the date, and have been cautiously watching me. I haven't really wanted to make anything big of this date, but the more I try to ignore it, the more I sense its presence. There have been a lot of first "dates" this year; our first Christmas without Rob, first birthdays, and major church/family events. As I think back on all of these, I guess the hardest one for me was our anniversary. No one really knows your anniversary but you and your spouse. No one else has any reason to celebrate the day, but the both of you. For me that date was the hardest thus far. As I said before I have been ignoring the coming date of Rob's death. Why would I want to remember or recount one of the hardest weeks of my life? Why would I want to think about the Fast Sunday one year ago, when I was fasting to know what our future held? The Monday I took Rob to the hospital to get a full body scan to see the extent of how the cancer spread? That he got sick in the car on the way to the hospital and thank goodness Jennifer and Brian were following behind us for help. How much pain Rob was in, yet went on all these appointments for me. How on Tuesday a loving Bishop came to my home and counseled me that Rob was going to die soon. And how I got so mad at him and accused him of asking me to give up and fight for my husband's life. Why would I want to remember that Wednesday morning when Rob wouldn't wake up and I had to make the call to his family and tell them to come as soon as possible?

This is why I want to remember all those days. On Fast Sunday, Sandy Ririe got to come and help Sheri with the twins and Rob. She is someone who loves Rob and wanted to serve him and hadn't had a chance. She was so grateful for the time she had with him. Jenni Anderson bore a beautiful testimony in Relief Society that reminded me that I could find the answer to my fast in the scriptures. Monday, what wonderful friends I have to follow and help me out when I took Rob to all his appointments. Even Jennifer's parents were in town and were so helpful to us. Our friends helped more than anyone could ever imagine. Having my brother and mother come on Monday to be there during my hardest time. My brother who gave insight and support that only he could have given. He was a rock for our family that week. A Bishop who came over and gave the correct counsel in a difficult situation. Wednesday, Rob's Doctor cancelled all her appointments and came strait over to our home to be with us. Robbie had just happened to stay home that day from school. Dr. Liss spent probably an hour speaking with Robbie and answering all his questions that none of us could answer. She saved one life that day, my Robbie who felt peace and understanding in such a difficult time from her answers. I had Jennifer wake up that morning, not knowing what was going on, but knew she needed to be at my home. She came and spent the day caring for the twins and cleaning my home. Heather, who is not a member, also felt the need to come to my home that day wondering how she could help our family. All of Rob's friends were able to come and say good bye. How grateful that all of Rob's family could get to our home to be with him during his last hours. So many blessing in this last week, one year ago. When we think of that week, I would love all to see the tender mercies of the Lord. To see all the wonderful blessings in my family's lives. To see that the Lord does not leave us in our time of need. He is always there, by our sides helping us through our trials. We can either see the Lord's hand in our lives or we can ignore the amazing blessings He continually blesses us with.